Kyoshi Hold 'Em
by cupid-painted-blind
Summary: When a blizzard shuts down the fourth annual Peace Summit, the group has to find some way to pass the time. /Zutara, Taang, Jet/Mai, Jet/Everyone, Sukka/
1. drinking game, strip game, gambling

A/N: To explain the genesis of this story would probably take up more time and effort than actually writing it. So I'm going to boil it down to a few points.

1. Jet is alive, and part of this fic. Why? Because he is.

2. This is the polar opposite of just about everything else I've ever written (with one glaring exception I'll continue to pointedly ignore). It's dorky, ridiculous, shippy, and cracky. If you're looking for a serious fic (because, hey, I write almost nothing _but_ serious fic), you're in the wrong place.

3. Pairings! Zuko/Katara, Jet/Mai, Jet/Everyone, Mai/Ty Lee, Toph/Aang, Suki/Sokka. Don't like, don't read. I'm only slightly kidding about the Jet/Everyone.

4. I admit, I have only a rudimentary understanding of the rules of Texas Hold Em, hence why the rules are not explained in detail. Besides, as Suki says, they aren't really playing it. They're playing a game that _wants _to be it, but flunked out of first year.

Any questions or comments will be replied to at the end of each subsequent chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

**kyoshi hold 'em**  
part one: half drinking game, half strip game, half gambling

It started out innocently enough, or, well, something vaguely approaching innocence. They were all down at the South Pole for the fourth annual Peace Summit, and then a blizzard had swept in, leaving everyone stranded, cranky, and bored. So, to pass the time, Zuko had suggested they play a few card games, which was met with only lukewarm enthusiasm until Iroh suggested (with childish glee) a Peace-Summit-Wide Pai Sho Tournament.

So they decided to play a few card games.

The only game that everyone had heard of was Kyoshi Hold 'Em, and even then, only Zuko and Jet had anything more than a tentative grasp at the rules, so they decided to just kind of make things up as they went. It was Sokka who suggested that every person who lost a hand had to take a shot of firewhiskey, and it was Jet who suggested making things more interesting by gambling, at first with whatever spare change everyone had on hand, and then with whatever else everyone had in hand.

Which was how Sokka had ended up in the position he was in.

"You are _kidding_ me. There is no -- no. No way Zuko just got that. It's like, it's impossible!" Sokka glared at the other side of the table, where Zuko was nonchalantly collecting his copper pieces, re-shuffling the deck, and delicately picking through the ever-growing pile of clothes that had accumulated in front of him.

"It's called a flush, Sokka," Jet drawled, juggling a few silver pieces and leaning back in his seat. "It's hardly impossible. And he won fair and square. Lose your pants."

"I..."

"C'mon, Sokka, you're not gonna be a bad sport, now, are you?"

Sokka fumed, and, blushing ferociously, stood and removed his pants, tossing them on the table with more force than was strictly necessary. "I still don't know what you're even doing here. This is an _official_ Peace Summit."

"Oh, quiet. You're just in a bad mood because Jet's a better player than you," Ty Lee said, pulling her legs up into her chair and surreptitiously trying to get a better view. Beside her, Suki growled. She jumped, and grinned. "And anyway, you've got a _terrible _poker face. It's super easy to tell when you're bluffing."

"Well excuse me for never going out of my way to learn how to lie," Sokka whined. "Also, I think you cheat. All that seeing auras and stuff."

"What is going _on_ here?"

Everyone looked up. Katara was standing in the doorway, a highly confused look on her face. She glanced over the table -- Sokka was wearing only a pair of loose training shorts, Jet was shirtless and grinning in a decidedly feral way (she paused at this; when had Jet gotten here, and what was he doing at an official peace summit?), Zuko was dealing out cards and had an impressive pile of clothing at his feet, Suki was struggling to hide the fact that she had no top on, Ty Lee was staring intently at the cards like she could see through them, and Iroh was flittering around the room while humming to himself and brewing tea. It was a rather strange set-up.

"Kyoshi Hold 'Em. Half drinking game, half strip game, half gambling," Jet replied, turning around and showing off. ("You have too many halves," Zuko muttered, but went ignored.) "Want in?"

"I can't say I've ever played it."

"That's okay," Suki said, "because we're not really playing it. We're playing a game that wants to be Kyoshi Hold 'Em, but flunked out."

"Nonsense," Ty Lee piped in, "this is the best card game I've ever played."

"You're only saying that because Sokka is about to be naked and Jet is shirtless."

"Well, yeah. Now, if we can only get Zuko out of his clothes..."

The dealer in question rolled his eyes and turned to Katara. "I can deal you in, if you'd like. You'll pick up the rules pretty fast, and Uncle can help if you need it."

"I don't know..."

"Look at it this way," Jet said, eyes glittering in a worrying fashion, "what else are you going to do?"

"No," Sokka said suddenly, as though realizing something horrible. "No way. Not happening, _no._"

"Why not?" Katara asked, indignant, taking the seat between Suki and Zuko.

"Don't you get it?" Sokka cried, voice raising in pitch, "he's trying to get you naked!"

There was a moment of silence. Jet coughed, and suddenly appeared to be _very_ interested in his cards.

"Well... I mean..." Katara floundered for a bit, and then Zuko -- having just dealt her a hand and being diametrically opposed to re-shuffling _again_ -- stepped in.

"You don't have to take off anything you're uncomfortable taking off. You can keep your clothes on if you feel like it, okay?"

"Hey!" Sokka shouted, "Not fair! She gets to keep her clothes on?"

"Yeah," Jet interjected righteously, earning a _vicious _glare from Sokka, "if the rest of us have to lose our clothes, so should she!"

"And when you're the dealer," Zuko responded calmly, "You can make the rules. Also, you're forgetting something _really _important."

"What is that?" Jet asked, making a face at his cards and laying them face-down. "I fold."

"Katara is a waterbender, on ice, in a blizzard, in the middle of an ocean," Zuko replied. "Whatever she wants, she gets."

Katara grinned. "I'm liking the sound of this. So what's the purpose of the game?"

"To get Zuko and Jet naked," Ty Lee responded promptly. Zuko choked, and sent a glare across the table. Jet simply smirked. "What? That's why _I'm _playing."

Suki rolled her eyes and explained the basics of the rules to Katara, who had a look on her face like this was incredibly complicated and that maybe Ty Lee's description was the most accurate. "Also," Suki said, reluctantly, "if you lose a hand, you have to take a shot of firewhiskey."

"In addition to losing your money or shirt or whatever?"

"Yeah. Blame your brother for that one."

"So, what do you get if you win?"

"Money, fame, glory, and, most importantly," Ty Lee replied, a huge grin blossoming on her face, "control of someone else's clothing!"

"Wait," Sokka said, face going white, "does that mean what I think it means?"

"Depends," Zuko replied, looking between his hand and the cards on the table, "do you think it means that I'm keeping your clothes until you win them back from me? Because... yeah, that's what it means."

"_No!_" Sokka shrieked. "I can't -- you'd just -- _I'm practically naked! _You can't _do _that to me!"

Zuko smirked. "Anyone else folding?"

"I am," Suki said, making a face. "I can't afford _another _shot of firewhiskey. Or another article of clothing."

"Bets?"

"My pants and shoes," Ty Lee said, running her fingers through her hair.

"I'll put up Sokka's pants and Ty Lee's shirt," Zuko said, rummaging through his pile and finding the clothing. Sokka brightened considerably.

"I guess..." Katara started, unsure, "I guess I'll bet my earrings?"

"Laaaaaaame," Jet huffed.

"Says the man who folded," Zuko replied easily. "Sokka?"

He looked at his cards, and then to the pants that Zuko had pulled out and placed -- tantalizingly -- in the center of the table. "All right. I guess I'm all in."

"Woo-hoo!" Ty Lee cheered. "This is what I'm talking about!"

"All right," Zuko said, laying down his cards, "I've got two pair, Jacks and Twos"

"Three of a kind," Sokka crowed, the unmistakable sound of hope in his voice.

"What is this?" Katara asked, holding out her hand for Suki to inspect.

"Two pair," she responded. "Threes and Fives." Katara sighed, and pulled off her earrings.

Across the table, Ty Lee grinned. Sokka's heart plummeted. One by one, Ty Lee laid her cards down, drawing out the glorious moment for as long as she could. Once she had finished, she leaned back in her seat, arms crossed over her chest, smirking like she'd just been given the key to the universe.

"Full House," Zuko said, unable to keep the grin off of his face. "Ty Lee wins." Everyone turned to Sokka.

"I hate _all of you_," he said.

* * *

"I think I'm calling it a night," Zuko said, yawning and stretching. Across the table, Ty Lee was rifling through her pile of clothing -- second only in size to Zuko's own -- while Suki struggled to stay awake and Sokka struggled to hide as much of his body under the table as possible. Jet also stretched and nodded.

"I'm all right with that."

"No," Sokka said plaintively, slurring the word. "I have to _at least _get my pants back. Please? One more round?"

"Sokka," Katara growled, "It's two hours till dawn. We need to sleep."

"It's almost winter, Katara. The sun won't rise until midday. And it's still snowing like crazy anyway, so it's not like we've got anything better to do."

"Speak for yourself," Zuko said, standing up and popping his neck. "I have to do something really important. It's called _sleep._"

"Zuko, I _implore_ you. One more round."

"Aw, come on, Zuko," Ty Lee whined, grinning, "we can make it an all or nothing round. If Sokka wins, he gets all of his stuff back."

"And when he loses?" Jet asked, chewing on a piece of grass. Sokka shot him a glare.

"Hmm," Ty Lee muttered, tapping her chin thoughtfully.

"How about he has to shave his head?" Katara suggested, an evil smirk on her face. There was a single moment of silence.

"I'll play for that," Jet said, and raised his eyebrows at Zuko, who sat back down.

"If Sokka's willing to risk his precious wolf-tail, then sure, I'm in."

Suki laid her head down on the table. "I am so far beyond _out_ I can't even explain. I'll stick around to watch the inevitable shenanigans, but I'm not playing another hand. Spirits know I need to keep what clothing I still have." Her arms were still crossed stubbornly over her bare chest. Jet appeared to be desolated by this fact.

"I'm totally in," Ty Lee said, matching Katara's smirk. "Sokka?" The boy in question looked deeply mistrustful. "C'mon... If you don't play, you won't have _any_ clothes left. They all belong to me and Zuko. Don't you want your clothes back?"

"Hey," Jet said suddenly, "I've got his left shoe."

Ty Lee rolled her eyes. "Your clothes belong to me and Zuko -- _and Jet_. Happy?"

"Ecstatic," Jet replied, leaning back in his chair. "One more rule. Since it's the last hand and the stakes are so high, I vote that no one be allowed to fold. Dealer, what say you?"

"Sokka?" Zuko asked, raising his eyebrows and preparing to deal. "I'm okay with the no-folding rule, but we're almost out of firewhiskey."

Sokka took a deep breath, trying to clear the drunken haze. "Okay, okay. I'm in."

* * *

"Sokka?" Aang started, tentatively. "Is there... Is there a reason you're naked? And bald? And sleeping on my flying bison?"

Appa gave a strange sort of snort, as though pleading with Aang to save him from the crazy, hungover warrior who was hiding in his fur.

"What?" Sokka replied groggily, sitting up halfway and promptly throwing up over Appa's side, all over the barn. "Ugh. I feel like -- Where are my clothes?"

"I was wondering the same thing... And your hair."

"My..." Sokka raised a hand and rubbed his now-bald head. A look of sudden, horrified realization crossed his face. "I am going to _kill _Ty Lee."

"She shaved your head while you slept?" Aang asked, leaping up onto the bison with Sokka, rubbing his back with as much concern as he could. "It kinda seems like something she would do."

"Well, not... not exactly," Sokka mumbled, and then groaned. "I... Well, it's a long story. Can I borrow some -- " he looked over at Aang, who, although sixteen, was still considerably smaller than he. "Actually, could you do me a really huge favor?"

"Uh, sure?"

"Could you find me some clothes? And water?"

Aang nodded, and hopped off Appa's back. Sokka rolled over and tried to keep from throwing up again. He tried to remember how he had ended up in the barn, on the bison's back. It was a pretty good idea -- without clothing, he couldn't very well travel out in the cold to get back to his own bed, and Appa would do a good job of keeping him from dying of frostbite. The problem was, he had been _far_ too drunk to have come up with such a good solution. That meant someone had guided him there.

He sincerely hoped that it had been Suki, or at least Katara. He didn't trust Ty Lee or Jet with his naked drunkenness, and he somehow doubted that Zuko cared enough to get him out of the common area.

Feeling like his bones were filled with lead, he crawled off of Appa's back and lay face-down on the hay, wondering vaguely if he could just die right there.

Aang returned to the room then, a long white sheet in one hand and a massive glass of water in the other, trailed by Ty Lee and Toph (who, it should be noted, looked _distinctly _unhappy). "Um, well, I tried to get your clothes back, but Ty Lee said that you can't have them, for some reason? So I found you a sheet. You can wear it kind of like the nomads used to. It won't be very warm, but, well. It's better than nothing, right?" Aang grinned, but faltered at the venomous glare Sokka sent him from the floor, and hastily continued. "And I brought water."

"Did you throw up in here?" Toph asked suddenly, wrinkling her nose.

"It's called a hangover. Ty Lee, I'm gonna kill you."

Ty Lee grinned and rocked back and forth on her heels. "Riiiiight."

"No, really," he said, "Your death will be swift and painful. Why can't I have my clothes?" He stumbled to his knees, clutching a highly uncomfortable-looking Aang around the shoulders and wrapping the sheet around his body inexpertly.

"Because I won them from you, fair and square. Well, Zuko and I won them from you. Oh, and Jet."

"Won them?" Aang asked, desperately trying to extract himself from Sokka's grasp.

"In Kyoshi Hold 'Em. If he wants his money and his clothes," Ty Lee leaned forward, grinning, "he'll have to _win _them back."

"Or," Toph interjected, a tone of great realization in her voice, "he could go to his room, and if he feels _really _wild, he can _put on some of his other clothes._"

"Nope," Ty Lee said, shaking her head. Sokka looked like he was deeply considering mass murder. "See, Sokka here can't hold his firewhiskey all that well. He lost _all _of his clothes. And most of his stuff."

"I don't remember that," Sokka replied tersely.

"You were pretty drunk," she said, nodding. "After you lost your wolf-tail to Katara, you kept begging for us to keep playing, so we did. And you just kept raising the stakes until you were betting your whole wardrobe, your bed, your --"

"My _bed?_"

"Oh, yeah," Ty Lee replied sagely. "You let Jet goad you into that one. Apparently, he wasn't really supposed to be here and didn't actually have a place to sleep, so he got you to bet your bed and won it."

Sokka groaned. Toph let out what could only be described as a _cackle._ "Oh, man. When do you play next? I want _in _on this."

"It's a card game, Toph," Sokka hissed, "you _can't _play."

"Sure I can," she replied brightly. "I'll just get Iroh to be my eyes."

"I don't know if you should," Aang said slowly, looking at Sokka. "It seems a bit... dangerous. Also, since when is Jet here?"

"He and a couple of his crew sneaked in. Something about repaying a favor to Zuko?" Ty Lee replied, and then clapped an arm on Toph's back. "And Tophy here can play if she wants to. I don't think Suki's willing to play anymore, so we're down a player anyhow. Toph can get Suki's winnings and bet with those."

"If you call me 'Tophy' again," the blind girl growled, "We will all figure out how far you can _really _stretch."

"Aww, but Tophy's a cute nickname. It's like the candy!"

"More pressing concerns!" Sokka shouted. "I need clothing! Why are you not helping me get clothing?"

"I already _told you_," Ty Lee repeated with a long-suffering tone, "you have to win your stuff back. Hey, at least I was nice enough to help Aang find you a sheet and come help you. Katara refused to do anything for you, although I think it's because she blames you for her hangover."

"Wait, _Katara _got drunk?" Aang said, incredulous and disappointed. Ty Lee nodded.

"_Everyone _got drunk. If you lost a hand, you had to take a shot. It was Sokka's genius idea. Well, I take that back," Ty Lee said, looking thoughtful. "Everyone but Zuko got drunk. I think he's got some secret immunity to firewhiskey or something."

"Wait, if everyone got drunk," Toph asked, "then why aren't _you_ all hungover?"

Ty Lee grinned, "Because I'm smart! I drank lots and lots of water before going to bed. Hangovers are caused by dehydration, you know? So I barely even had a headache when I got up."

Sokka groaned, and leaned even more heavily on Aang. "I really, really hate you right now."

"I was even able to make it to breakfast!"

At the mere mention of food, Sokka turned an odd green color, turned his head, and threw up everywhere. Toph recoiled violently. Ty Lee winced.

"Sokka!" Aang cried, torn between helping his obviously miserable friend and escaping the mostly-naked and puking warrior. Compassion won out, and he pulled the warrior away from the puddle, helping him sit down against (a very displeased) Appa. In a show of rare grace that was surprising even from Aang, he got up and brought the now-catatonic Sokka the giant glass of water, helping him drink it and clean his mouth out.

"Sorry," Ty Lee mumbled. "Guess I shouldn't mention food?"

Toph covered her face, "No, _really_, Stretch? I think you should describe your meal in graphic detail. _That_ will make him stop puking!"

"Toph, now is really not the time for sarcasm," Aang said, patting Sokka's shoulder awkwardly. "Sokka just needs some time to recover. And, well, time is on our side, thanks to the blizzard. Everyone's kind of snowed in wherever they are, so we can't have any meetings. It'll all be okay."

"All right, all right," Toph said. "Let's get Snoozles to his room."

Ty Lee coughed. "Uh, it's currently _Jet's_ room."

There was a moment of silence. Sokka whimpered. "Oh," Toph replied, floundering a bit, her gesture of charity completely falling flat. "Well. Then. Um."

"Appa!" Aang said suddenly, jumping up, accidentally knocking against Sokka's prone form. "Oops. Appa, can you take care of Sokka until he recovers?"

Appa gave Aang a _look._ Ty Lee snickered, "I think Appa's been hanging around Katara too much."

"C'mon, boy," Aang pleaded. "You did such a good job taking care of him last night! It's just a little while longer. I'll get you some, um," he faltered a bit, and then quickly regained steam, "apples! I'll find you some nice, juicy apples if you just take care of Sokka." Appa groaned, but laid his head down and curled up around the semi-conscious warrior. "Good boy!"

"One problem, Twinkletoes," Toph said, as soon as they were out of the barn. "Where are you going to find apples?"

"I think Jet has some," Ty Lee mused. Aang stopped dead in his tracks.

"No... Don't tell me..."

Ty Lee winced. "You'll probably have to win them from him." Aang smacked his forehead. Toph howled with laughter.

"This Peace Summit just keeps getting better and better!"


	2. rambunctious gnomes with hammers

**kyoshi hold 'em**  
part two: rambunctious gnomes (with hammers)

"Okay," Aang said, "I think our first concern should be finding Sokka some clothes. And then I _really _feel like we should find Suki."

Ty Lee looked thoughtful. "I think she's still out. She got into a couple of nasty losing streaks and ended up passing out before the night was through."

"Which explains why she didn't save Sokka," Toph mumbled. "Let's start with Suki."

They picked their ways through the halls, Toph wincing slightly at the sound of the wind whistling angrily outside -- the blizzard, more than simply not letting up over the day, had seemed to intensify. When they reached Suki's room, they found her in an embarrassing state of disarray, with her hair sticking out all over the place, a blanket wrapped haphazardly around her body, digging around underneath the bed for something. Aang blushed, muttered something about "trying to find Appas for apple" and melted right back out of the doorway before the half-naked and clearly distraught Suki noticed him.

Ty Lee coughed, and Suki let out a squeak, whipping around and falling back against the bed, a hand against her heart. "Don't _do _that! And where in the name of -- " she let out a string of cursewords so forceful that Ty Lee jumped and covered Toph's ears, " -- is my shirt?"

"I think Katara has it," Ty Lee said softly, clearly afraid to anger Suki any further. "You remember, the, uh, game?"

Comprehension dawned across Suki's face, followed quickly by sheepish embarrassment. "_Oh._ Right. I'll just, um," she stood up, trying to regain what little dignity remained to her, and pulled a spare training shirt out of her wardrobe. Toph snickered. "_Anyway_," she said hastily, pointedly ignoring Toph, "what are you doing here?"

"We came to get your help. Sokka is _nasty _hungover," Ty Lee responded. Suki nodded sagely and stood up, raking her fingers through her hair in an inadequate attempt to tame it, and walked purposefully out the door. Toph glanced at Ty Lee.

"Are we gonna...?"

"She's _scary_ when she's hungover," Ty Lee whispered. "Let's just follow her and try to, um, break it gently?"

Toph stood very still for a moment, and then nodded slowly. "Oh yeah. This is gonna be _fun,_" she said, in a tone that was either sarcasm or genuine amusement. The two of them followed Suki back through the halls, down to Sokka's -- now Jet's -- room.

Suki knocked gently on the door. "Baby? How do you feel?" Ty Lee winced. She sounded so _genuine_, so _concerned_, and she was going to be _so pissed_... A muffled growl came from the other side of the door, and the trio walked in. Suki stopped dead in her tracks. The room looked like a particularly malicious tornado had swept through. On the floor, wrapped in furs and spare blankets (and, Ty Lee noted, one of Sokka's shirts), were Smellerbee, Longshot, and the Duke. Four bags, overflowing with clothing and other accessories, were functioning as makeshift pillows for each of the kids on the floor. In an image that would have been adorable in any other setting, all three of them were curled up together, snuggling like lovers or very happy siblings, contented smiles gracing their faces.

And, on the bed, was Jet, sprawled out and eyeing the intruders with something that could have been annoyance, if he didn't look so _exhausted_.

"Jet," Suki said in a low, dangerous tone, "why are you in my boyfriend's bed?"

"Because," he replied, rolling over to face the wall, "we made sweet, sweet love _deep_ into the night. It was glorious. Roses were involved."

Suki opened and closed her mouth a few times, clearly thrown off her guard, then glanced at Toph. "He's lying, right?"

Toph snickered, "Don't ask me. I'm useless on all this ice." In the bed, Jet snorted, and then quickly turned his laughter into a loud, fake snore.

"Ty Lee?"

Taking her cue from Toph, Ty Lee adopted a serious, thoughtful look. "I'm not really sure. Things get kinda hazy after the third bottle of firewhiskey."

Jet rolled back over, startled. "We went through _three_ bottles of firewhiskey?" he asked, incredulous and slightly impressed.

"Yeah, yeah, the limits of our debauchery know no bounds," Suki interrupted, "now where the _hell _is my boyfriend?"

"I think he's my boyfriend now," Jet replied, a smirk dancing on his face.

"That would be really hot..." Ty Lee muttered. Suki shot her a glare. "What? Jet and Sokka? That would be _so _hot. The only thing hotter would be Jet and _Zuko_. Picture it, go on." Everyone, including Toph, was now giving Ty Lee an open-mouthed stare. "Oh, come _on_. They'd have that angry, rough, hate-sex thing going on. It would be _sexy._"

"I am _so_ telling Zuko and Sokka about that," Toph said. Jet now looked a little uncomfortable.

"Don't objectify me!" he said indignantly. Ty Lee and Suki both rolled their eyes.

"Oh please," Suki cut in, exasperated, "you objectify _yourself._ Where is Sokka?"

"In the barn with Appa," Toph replied easily. Suki froze, and turned the full force of her patented Kyoshi Island Death Glare on the blind girl, who smirked.

"And _why_ didn't you tell me this _before_ wasting all of this time?"

"Because you're kinda terrifying when you're hungover," Ty Lee responded.

"Because it was really funny," Toph said, matter-of-factly. Ty Lee shot her a sidelong glance and shifted away. Suki pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.

"All right. Okay," she muttered to herself, taking several deep breaths. "At least you're honest. That's... refreshing." She turned on her heel and stalked out of the room. On the floor, Smellerbee looked up.

"Could you people _be _any louder?"

Jet sneered at her from the bed. "Says one of the few people on this ice floe who _isn't _dying of a hangover."

Ty Lee and Toph ignored the brewing argument and started to follow Suki, who stopped them halfway down the hall. "Oh, no. You're not following me around."

"Why not?" Ty Lee whined.

"After that mess with Jet -- which, by the way, I _still _don't know what he and his crew are doing here, let alone what they're doing in Sokka's room -- you think I'm going to let you hang around and make fun of me? No. Go... I don't know, play with the sharks or something." She turned again and started off in a huff.

Toph crossed her arms. "We could go find Sokka some clothes..."

Suki stopped dead in her tracks again. "What."

"Yeah, he's kind of, um, clothes-less," Ty Lee clarified, wincing. "That's why he slept in the barn with Appa. Body heat, you know."

Suki covered her face with her palm. It was unclear whether she was laughing or crying or _really really _pissed off. "Why didn't you bring him to my room?"

Ty Lee shrugged. "I don't know. You'll have to ask whoever dragged him to the barn. I think it was Zuko, but I'm not entirely sure. Like I said, it got hazy around the third bottle."

Suki took a deep, calming breath. "Okay. You two, go find some clothes for Sokka. _I _am going to go take care of him and make sure he hasn't died." She then walked away much faster than usual, as though afraid they would drop _another_ bombshell on her and waste more of her time.

Toph cocked her head. "Not gonna tell her that you own ninety percent of Sokka's wardrobe?"

Ty Lee let out a desperate laugh. "Not in a million years."

"Can't we just give him back some of them?"

"We could..." Ty Le said thoughtfully, "but where's the fun in that? Besides, I think Jet my eat me alive if I break the rules of his precious game. Let's talk to Zuko. He's probably awake and alert."

As it turned out, Zuko was neither awake, nor alert. When they walked into his room, he was laying facedown, fully clothed -- he was even still wearing his _shoes_ -- and completely inert, on his still-fully-made bed.

"Um, Zuko?" Ty Lee whispered, getting no response whatsoever.

"I think," Toph said in a sotto voice, "that your assessment of Zuko's alcohol tolerance was a _little_ off."

"Zuuuukoooooo," Ty Lee sing-songed, reaching out and poking him on the shoulder. Lightning fast, his arm came up from under the pillow and grabbed her wrist.

"_What?_" he growled, face still buried in his pillow. Ty Lee paled considerably.

"Um, we were just, uh, looking for some clothes for Sokka because, you know, he lost all of his in the betting last night and you're the closest person to his size except for Jet who thinks this is all really funny and won't help him and _please don't kill me!_" Through her tirade, she tried ineffectively to wrench her arm out of Zuko's vice grip, finally collapsing to her knees. Abruptly, Zuko released her wrist, made a vague hand motion toward the wardrobe, then picked up his pillow and covered his head with it.

"I'll take that as a yes," Ty Lee whispered, standing up shakily and moving over to the wardrobe. "Let's just get some clothes and get out of here before he kills us."

"Wait," Toph cried (on the bed, Zuko's fingers tightened on the pillow dangerously). "What about underwear?"

Ty Lee floundered, trying to come up with a solution, and glanced toward Zuko's semi-conscious form. "I don't think he'll let us borrow _underwear_ for Sokka..."

"Well he can't just go commando in someone else's pants!"

Ty Lee whimpered. "Um, Zuko?"

He picked up the pillow enough to send the two girls a bleary, blood-shot, and supremely _vile_ glare.

"Nevermind," Ty Lee said hastily, grabbing the closest shirt and pair of pants to her hands. "We'll just, um, go now."

Zuko retreated back under the pillow and both girls fled from his room.

"Wow," Toph said, in the relative safety of the hallway, "Zuko's a _bitch_ when he's hungover."

Ty Lee laughed slightly. "We should at least try to find some kind of underclothing. I don't think Zuko will be happy to learn that Sokka went around in _his _pants without anything... you know. But where would we find underclothes that someone might actually be willing to lend him?"

"Once again, I bring up the apparently pointless fact that _you own ninety percent of Sokka's wardrobe._"

"But Jet..."

"If Jet actually _checks_ to see if Sokka is wearing his own underwear or going without, I will eat Appa, okay?"

Ty Lee seemed to be considering this. "Okay. You make a pretty good point."

"I always do," Toph mumbled. Ty Lee rolled her eyes.

* * *

Once they had a (hopefully clean) pair of Sokka's underwear, Toph and Ty Lee returned with their bounty to the barn. Sokka was curled up in a thoroughly pathetic position against Appa's side, his face buried in Suki's stomach and his arms wrapped around her.

"We bring clothes from Zuko, who, by the way, is in a _nasty_ mood," Ty Lee announced.

"Yeah, we risked life and limb to get these for ya, Snoozles," Toph said. Sokka didn't even move, but Suki smiled with forced warmth.

"Thanks. I'll make sure he gets them when he wakes up. And I'm... sorry," she said tightly, as though she had promised someone that she would apologize (Ty Lee had a sneaking suspicion that Aang was somewhere in the vicinity), "for my shortness earlier. I was just..."

"Hungover and cranky?" Ty Lee offered. Suki nodded. "It's okay, it happens to the best of us. 'Cept me, though, because apparently I'm the only person who knows how to deal with hangovers."

"And me," Toph added. Suki, whose smile had faltered at Ty Lee's words, turned to her, anger melting into genuine confusion.

"Sweetie, you didn't drink."

"Well, no, but I don't get hungover."

Suki opened her mouth to respond, apparently thought the better of it, and settled for awkwardly patting Sokka's back. Ty Lee simply nodded politely, apparently forgetting that Toph couldn't see her, and then swung her arms back and forth, looking around the room. "So, um. Now what?"

"You could help Aang find apples, for a start," Suki suggested, "Although why he needs them, I can't figure out..."

"For Appa," Toph replied, like that explained anything. "Where is Twinkletoes, anyhow?" She looked around sightlessly, and Ty Lee caught wind of something that might be _very _interesting. Toph's tone suggested flippancy and a lack of caring, but her body language and her aura suggested differently. Did the younger girl have a _crush?_ Ty Lee grinned despite herself. Fanning the flames of young love just so happened to be one of her absolute _favorite_ pastimes, and Toph and Aang would be just so _adorable_ together.

"I think he's... in... the..." Suki lost her train of thought, staring at Ty Lee, who was wearing a silly grin and hopping up and down like a child about to get candy from her mother. "Ty Lee? What is so wonderful?"

"Oh!" she started, and hastily struggled to hide her grin, "nothing. I just... I'm so glad to be helping everyone!" She tried not to wince.

"Uh-huh," Toph replied, deadpan, "you're a really horrible liar."

"Fine, then," she said, affecting an airy tone. "It's none of your _business._" She almost -- almost -- stuck her tongue out at Toph, but then realized that not only would Toph not be able to see it, but that it was also about ten years too immature. She was saved from the awkward questions by the arrival of Aang (she paid _very close_ attention to Toph's aura, which pinked ever-so-slightly -- _score!_), who brightened at the sight of the two girls.

"Hey! How did everything work out?"

"We got some clothes for Sokka from Zuko," Ty Lee replied, ("And almost died in the process," Toph muttered, earning a confused look from Aang), "and Suki here is gonna help Appa take care of Sokka. How goes the apple-hunting?"

Aang's face fell. "Bad."

"Yeah, who would have thought," Toph asked lightly, "that no one would have apples at the South Pole?"

Aang colored a bit. Ty Lee mentally began planning the wedding (it could be in summer, outside Gaoling, and Toph would wear green and yellow and maybe Ty Lee could even do Toph's hair for her and it would be the most _awesome_ wedding ever). "Like I said, I think Jet or his crew might have some. Why don't you two go ask?" She leaned forward, grabbed Aang by the arm and hooked it with Toph's, ignoring the confusion on both of their faces (and the sudden understanding on Suki's). "Go! Go forth and find apples for your _majestic_ flying bison! It is a noble, if dangerous, quest!" She swept her arms out dramatically, in full circus-performer mode, "You may have to face an e_vil _dragon, though, to get the bounty you seek," she whispered conspiratorially. Toph snorted.

"I'm telling Jet you called him an evil dragon. C'mon Twinkles, let's go find your apples."

As soon as they were gone, Ty Lee allowed herself a happy, girlish squeal, complete with hand-clapping and twirling in a circle. Sokka made a sound like a dying animal and snuggled closer to Suki. "Oops, sorry, Sokka. I just... Did you _see_ that?"

"I think you're making mountains out of badger-molehills," Suki said, petting Sokka's bald head and wincing.

"No way," she replied. "Their auras were all cute and pink!" She sighed, flopping down on Appa next to Suki. "Young love is just adorable, isn't it?"

Sokka raised his head and glared at Ty Lee, then mumbled, "If you're gonna be here, I'm gonna need you to shut up. Thanks."

Ty Lee considered responding, but decided to just smile and nod instead.

* * *

There was a knocking at his door, and he was deeply, deeply considering _obliterating_ whoever was stupid enough to bother him (_again_, he thought, remembering Ty Lee and Toph). He stumbled to his feet -- pausing for only a moment to realize that his bed was still made, he was still fully clothed, and that an entire colony of rambunctious gnomes with hammers were trotting about in his skull -- and wrenched open the door, fully prepared to rain death, destruction, and hellfire upon his visitor.

Katara shuffled into his room, ignoring his disarray and obvious fury. "I can't heal my own hangover with my water. You can do cool things with fire, right? I saw you helping Ty Lee with her cramps that one time. Can you maybe try that on me?"

He was torn between picking her up and bodily throwing her out of his room, and actually helping her (because then she would owe him a favor, and maybe she could heal someone _else's_ hangover with her water). "Katara," he said thickly. "In case you missed this fun fact, I drank roughly seventy times more firewhiskey than you did."

She turned to him, confused, "Yeah, but you seemed totally sober last night. Ty Lee kept trying to get you tell her how you developed an immunity to the stuff."

"I'm glad to know that drunken me is indistinguishable from sober me. I am in no state to help anyone, or do anything except crawl into a hole and die."

"Maybe I can heal _you?_" she suggested imploringly, "And then you can help me?"

He cheered up just a little bit. If he couldn't sleep until the end of times, then this was the second-best thing. "You can try." She pulled some of the water from the skin at her belt and held it up to his head, wreathing him in a cool, blue glow. That did absolutely nothing to stop the rambunctious gnomes. "Not working," he muttered. The water abruptly disappeared.

"Well, crap," Katara said, flopping down onto Zuko's bed. He shot her a glare, but she wasn't paying attention. "What use is healing water if I can't heal a stupid hangover? I mean," she clarified with sudden horror, "besides the, you know, saving lives and all that."

"I don't know and I don't care. Move."

She whimpered, and stayed completely still, eyes closed. "Your bed is _comfy._"

Deciding not to argue, he placed both hands on her arm and rolled her over. She squeaked, and tried to sit up, but he was already crawling in the bed, trapping her between his body and the wall. Had he not been disgustingly hungover, he might have enjoyed the situation.

"Um, Zuko?"

"Just shut up and let me sleep."

* * *

Ty Lee stood at the doorway, trying very, very hard to contain her glee. Katara and Zuko were -- if she didn't know any better -- _cuddling._ It was only slightly less adorable than Aang and Toph. Granted, Zuko was in an extremely pissy mood and probably didn't know that Katara was sharing his bed, but it was still one of the cutest things she'd ever seen.

(They could make it a double wedding! And it would be really amazing because all four nations would be represented! And Zuko would _totally _let her plan his wedding, so she would get the chance to decorate everything in all of the colors and styles of the world! It would be _awesome!_)

She coughed. Katara jolted awake and sat up, blushing furiously. Zuko grumbled something about tea and rolled over.

"This isn't --" Katara started.

"What it looks like?" Ty Lee finished, grinning.

"No, it's just -- I wanted to help -- I mean -- what are you doing here, anyway?" Katara ended lamely, crawling out through the foot of Zuko's bed.

"Waking Zuko up. His uncle wants to see him."

They both looked over at the barely conscious Fire Lord. "Um, I don't think that's going to be happening any time soon."

"It seemed important..." Ty Lee said, whining a little. Having already faced the full wrath of Hungover Zuko once this morning, she was very, very loath to further infuriate him. He might _actually_ kill her.

"Um, Zuko?" Katara started, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Your uncle needs to see you."

He jerked the pillow up over his head again.

"It's important," Ty Lee said, joining Katara by the bed. "He probably has some really cool hangover remedy!"

"He does?" Katara asked hopefully. "Would he be willing to share?"

"Knowing Iroh, of course. C'mon, Zuko. You've gotta get out of bed sometime. It's already three hours past noon."

"Oh, _no,_" Zuko hissed coldly, pulling his pillow tighter around his head. "I've had all of _six _hours of sleep. That keeps being interrupted by idiots. _Surely_ the end is nigh."

Katara glared, bristling at being called an "idiot". Ty Lee, on the other hand, was grateful that he hadn't pulled her head off her neck. "Well, _sorry_," Katara huffed, turning on her heel and leaving the room, "I'll be sure to never bother his _highness _again. I'm going to find Iroh's secret hangover remedy."

Zuko, for his part, didn't even flinch. Ty Lee was slightly disappointed. She had hoped for a reaction, maybe for him to leap from his bed and fall to his knees, begging Katara's forgiveness for his sharp tongue. This simply would not do.

"Come _on_, Zuko. I don't think your uncle would be sending me in to drag you out of bed if it wasn't important."

Zuko laughed outright at this. "Have you _met_ my uncle?"

Ty Lee hesitated. "Okay, good point. I'll go find out what it is he needs. If it turns out to be important, you'll get up, right?"

"Sure."

Satisfied with her compromise (and happy to be in possession of all extremities), Ty Lee left to find Iroh, a sudden thought occurring to her. Iroh would _definitely _agree to help her get Zuko and Katara (and probably even Toph and Aang) together. In fact, Iroh might be as enthusiastic as she was about it, since Zuko getting married would mean grand-nephews and nieces for him.

She couldn't help but grin. The entire _world _would thank her for this.


	3. the courses of history

**kyoshi hold 'em**  
part three: the courses of history

"Zuko wants to know what you need him for," Ty Lee announced, walking into the kitchen area of the lodge they were all staying in. Iroh looked up from the book he was inspecting.

"It's important."

"I told him that, but he still wants to know."

"It could change the course of history. I have a tea for hangovers, see if you can bribe him with that."

"I tried," Ty Lee whined, leaning against the counter and glancing at the book in front of Iroh. She caught sight of the words "seal jerky stew" before he delicately closed it and gave her a pointed look. "Oh, fine. I'll get him out of bed. But if he rips my arms off, I expect compensation."

Iroh beamed. "Thank you so much, Lady Ty Lee." She blushed. Half the reason she let Iroh boss her around so much was because he called her 'Lady'. Most people only called Mai 'Lady', never Ty Lee. Making Iroh happy was worth risking Zuko's wrath.

She bounced out of the room as Katara entered, clutching a tea cup in her hands and drinking it with an expression of pure bliss. "Still trying to work out that stew recipe?"

"Indeed," Iroh replied, re-opening the book. "I think I can mix it with some of the food we brought from the Fire Nation, and make an entirely new dish!" He beamed. "My nephew will be proud to be involved."

Katara raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure about that? He's kind of in a bad mood."

"All the more reason to wake him up and bring him out here. There are few things more soothing than cooking good food."

Katara decided not to argue, figuring that Zuko's inevitable explosion would tell Iroh all he needed to hear. Besides, Zuko tried to act tough and dangerous, but he had a soft spot the size of the sun for his old uncle. He would huff and shout and brood, but in the end, he would help Iroh cook.

Also, seal jerky stew with Fire Nation herbs and vegetables sounded absolutely _divine._

"Maybe we can throw in some Earth Kingdom food as well..." Katara mused, looking around the kitchen. Iroh looked interested.

"Oh? Do we have any on hand?"

"I'm not sure... Toph will probably know."

Iroh smiled. "This will be _fun_. We can all cook together! What better way to celebrate peace than with a meal cooked by members of all the nations, with food from all over the world?" Katara, who had a little more experience in the people involved, thought that it very well might instigate another war, but didn't have the heart to tell Iroh as much. By the end of the day, Zuko would be murderous, Toph would have started a food fight, Ty Lee would be trying desperately to keep the peace, Sokka would be full from stealing all the food, and it would be up to her and Aang to actually finish the meal. And the thought of the chaos that would ensue if Jet got involved was _horrifying_.

Ty Lee returned then, followed by a surprisingly docile Zuko. "I got him!"

He collapsed into a chair and slumped over.

"Ah, nephew! Up, up, I have a task for you!"

Zuko groaned. Katara snickered at his expense. Heavily, he stood up and shuffled over to his uncle. "What is so important?" he croaked, a tone of heartbroken exhaustion on his voice. Was this the same person who had snapped at them earlier?

"We," Iroh said grandly, turning the book around to show Zuko, "are _cooking!_" Both Katara and Ty Lee winced in preparation for the inevitable, but it never came. Instead, Zuko looked up into his uncle's beaming face, blinked twice, and then turned around to leave without ever saying a word. "No, no, no," Iroh said, catching Zuko by the shoulders and pulling him into the kitchen area. He shot a glare of pure venom at Ty Lee.

"You said it was important. That it could change the course of history," he hissed.

"He said it was! I didn't know he was talking about dinner courses!"

"Oh, stop whining," Katara huffed, finishing her cup of tea and pouring another, "the rest of us are awake, so you may as well deal with it like everyone else."

"The tea is a hangover remedy, if that helps," Ty Lee whimpered, hiding behind Katara. Zuko gave the two of them an odd look, inspected the teapot, and then picked it up and drank the entire thing, foregoing the whole "cup" part completely. Everyone assembled stared. He set the pot back down delicately, closed his eyes for a moment, and then took a deep breath.

"All right," he said softly. "I feel a little better."

"I'll make another pot, then..." Iroh said haltingly.

Katara sipped at her tea, giving Zuko the coldest look she could muster. Zuko gestured to Ty Lee, who came forward tentatively. "Yeah?" she whispered.

"Is there a reason Katara looks like she wants to kill me?"

Ty Lee stared blankly. "You inadvertently called her an idiot. You don't remember?"

Zuko gave her a look. "No. No, I don't remember."

"It was only about fifteen minutes ago..."

Zuko blinked, and then looked around as though the memory was floating somewhere around his head. "Was it?" He turned to Katara, and then said louder, "Katara? I'm sorry for inadvertently calling you an idiot. I wasn't exactly conscious."

Katara turned to the two of them, raised an eyebrow, and took a very dainty sip of tea.

"I've heard more sincere apologies," Ty Lee commented. Zuko sighed.

"Well, considering I don't actually remember doing it, that's about as good as it gets. Why did I call her an idiot, by the way?"

"You said that your sleep kept being interrupted by idiots, and she was one of the people who interrupted your sleep."

"She did?"

Ty Lee, in a moment of bravery and pure exasperation, smacked him on the back of the head. "You really don't remember?"

"Head trauma won't jog my memory. It's been a really long day, okay?"

She leaned in. "When I first came in to wake you up, the two of you were _cuddling._"

Zuko paused, looking for a moment like he was about to laugh, and then seemed to hit upon a vague memory. "Wait a minute... She wanted me to help her with her hangover. What was she doing in my bed?"

Ty Lee shrugged, and sighed wistfully. "I don't know, but it was adorable."

"Katara," Zuko said, ignoring Ty Lee's hasty motions for him to shut up, "why were you in my bed this morning?"

Iroh returned with the tea, and a look of great interest bloomed on his face. "Oh? What is _this _all about?"

Katara blushed. "You wouldn't let me leave."

Zuko looked confused. "Wait, what?"

"It's a long story, okay, just... Food! Let's get cooking!" She shoved past Ty Lee and a still-baffled Zuko to join Iroh at the cookbook. Iroh, with a somewhat ominous smile on his face, began dictating ingredients for Katara to find -- and then, naturally, sent Zuko with her to get them. As soon as the two had left, Ty Lee leaned on the counter.

"I was thinking we could decorate the wedding in blue and gold. Wouldn't that be pretty?"

"Oh, it would be," Iroh agreed sagely. "But would it be in the Fire Nation or here, in the South Pole?"

"Fire Nation," Ty Lee replied promptly. "Because Zuko's the Fire Lord. We can't have a royal wedding out of the country."

"True, true. Do you know if anyone has apples?"

* * *

Jet stumbled into the common area, yawning and pulling on a shirt that was either Sokka's or Longshot's, he wasn't entirely sure. Sitting at the table, playing with a knife, was that dark girl he'd seen wandering around with Ty Lee on occasion, although she had made herself pretty scarce the night before.

"Well, hello," he said, taking the seat opposite her. She simply looked at him. "What are you doing here?"

"Do you know where Ty Lee is?" she asked in a slightly annoyed monotone.

"Last I heard, she was hunting wild clothes for Sokka. Why?"

"None of your business."

He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. "All right, then," he muttered, "didn't really want to talk anyway."

The dark girl growled, and then sighed. "This place is so _boring._"

Jet laughed. "Of course it is. It's the South Pole. What'd you expect, parades of dancing platypus-bears?"

A vein twitched in the girl's forehead. "Not exactly, no."

"Listen," Jet said conspiratorially, leaning forward, "you're going about this all the wrong way. Take it from someone who knows -- you can't go anywhere in the world and expect interesting things to just fall on you. You want life to be interesting? Make it interesting. Do it yourself, see? Take me, for example," he leaned back in his seat and propped his feet up on the table, "I found myself in the Earth Kingdom, bored out of my skull. What did I do? I'll give you a hint," he pulled a long stick of grass out of seemingly nowhere and started chewing on it. "It wasn't sitting around in an empty room complaining about boredom."

All of a sudden, there was a series sharp _thunk _sounds, and Jet found himself laying in the most uncomfortable position he could recall, still (technically) seated in the chair, but with his feet pinned to the table, his back on the floor, and his arms above his head, several knives holding him fast in place. The grass that he had been chewing on was now lodged painfully in his throat, and he had to cough several times to get it back into his mouth.

"I do not like you," the dark girl drawled, standing over him, another knife in her hand. He gaped at her. What the _hell _had just happened?

"I'm not really happy with you at the moment either," he replied, futilely trying to spit the grass out of his mouth before he inhaled it again, well aware that he had left his dignity somewhere back at the door. The dark girl smirked -- the first hint of emotion he'd seen on her face -- and walked away. "Hey, hey! You're not just gonna _leave _me here!"

"Give me one reason not to."

He couldn't come up with an answer. The smirk on the girl's face became a full-out smile as she left, clearly in higher spirits than before. Jet cursed violently, struggling against the knives, not caring whether or not he tore his clothing on them. Unfortunately, Sokka's (or Longshot's) shirt was of higher quality than he had expected, stubbornly refusing to tear and allow him to free himself. He heard voices out in the hallway that might have been Suki and Aang, and, taking a deep breath, he swallowed what remained of his pride.

"Hey, hey! Anyone out there?"

Sure enough, Suki, Aang, and Toph poked their heads in the doorway, confused. Aang immediately came forward to help him, but Suki stood at the doorway, doubled over laughing ("What is so funny?" Toph asked in frustration). As soon as he was free, he stood up, thanking Aang, and started brushing off his clothing, trying to ignore the raucous laughter from the door.

"I see you met Mai," Aang started tentatively, holding out the knives. "And she wasn't in a good mood."

"Oh, she was in a _great _mood by the time she left. I think throwing knives gets her hot or something, I don't know. All I did was tell her how to not be bored anymore, and she attacked me!"

Suki finally controlled her laughter and walked in the room, guiding Toph behind her. "I think that's Mai's way of flirting."

"No," Aang said, as horror passed over Jet's face. "I'm pretty sure that's just Mai."

"You'd be surprised," Suki said, leaning in for the kill. "She probably finds you _intriguing_. Why else would she torment you? If she didn't like you, she'd just ignore you."

"Well, she did that, too," Jet muttered, peeling the grass out of his mouth and tossing it on the ground, crushing it beneath his feet. Suki made a face.

Toph grinned hugely. "Mai and Jet, sitting in a tree..." she started, teasingly.

Suki took the bait. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G..."

"Wow," Jet said loudly, "the maturity in this room is mind-boggling. C'mon, Aang, let's leave these little girls and go be men somewhere else."

Aang looked between Suki, who was egging him on with childish glee, and Jet, who was steadily turning redder. He grinned, in spite of himself, "First comes love, then comes --"

"I hate you."

"Oh, come on, Jet," Suki said, "it's just a little payback for what you did to Sokka."

"I didn't do anything to him."

"You took advantage of his drunkenness and conned him out of his room."

"Only so me and my crew would have a place to sleep. Besides, I was also drunk." He found another piece of grass in his pocket, inspected it for any obvious impurities, and started chewing on it. Suki made another face.

"You do realize how gross that is, right?" she said, leaning against the wall. "Chewing on grass? There's all that dirt and bugs and other disgusting things, all in your mouth now."

Aang saw what was going to happen the instant before it did, and tried to leap into action to save Jet's skin. Unfortunately, he wasn't fast enough. Jet, who's pride had taken one too many beatings today, strode forward purposefully and grabbed Suki, planting a giant kiss directly on her mouth, sweeping her into his arms and dipping her in a bow. It would have been a very dramatic kiss, if not for the grass in Jet's mouth and the look of utter fury spreading over Suki's face.

He pulled away and took the grass out of his mouth. "Look at _that_. All that dirt and bugs and other disgusting things are in _your _mouth now."

Suki let out a growl and lunged, but Aang stepped between them, dragging Jet away from the livid Kyoshi warrior. "Hey, Jet, let's go talk to Appa. That sound like a good idea? Toph, why don't you and Suki go find a hat for Sokka or something? Wouldn't that be great?" Aang pulled Jet out of the room while Toph held Suki back, laughing out loud. Once out in the hallway, Aang released Jet and glared at him. "Why did you do that?"

"She was making fun of me."

"She'll kill you. And if not her, Sokka. He's already out for your blood, you know?"

Jet smirked. "Totally worth it."

* * *

By the time everyone had gathered in the kitchen to hear Iroh's plan for dinner, Suki was raging about something Katara didn't dare ask about, Jet was in possession of six of Mai's knives (again, Katara wisely decided not to ask), Sokka was fully conscious and wearing a hat that probably belonged to Aang at some point (it was yellow and orange, with a pom-pom on top and two long ear flaps), Toph was seated on the countertop, chatting with Iroh and being highly amused by everything, Zuko had hidden somewhere and had not yet been found, and Aang looked like he was seriously considering hiding in an iceberg for another hundred years.

Ty Lee had run off in an attempt to find Zuko, or, failing that, Mai -- assuming that Mai probably knew all of Zuko's hiding places from when they used to date -- a fact that Jet seemed deeply, deeply opposed to.

"I don't understand what we need Gloomy for anyway," he insisted, "it's not like she'll help us cook."

"It's only fair," Iroh responded easily, organizing the assembled ingredients. "Besides, if anyone can find Zuko, it's Mai. Now, we're going to be making seal jerky stew with Fire Nation herbs and Earth Kingdom vegetables. Toph has graciously provided us with what foodstuffs she brought from Gaoling -- "

Sokka interjected with a stage whisper, "Or she bullied Kuei out of what _he_ brought from Ba Sing Se." Toph smirked. Iroh went on as though he hadn't been interrupted.

"Unfortunately, there aren't any precedents to this kind of thing, so we're going to be making this up as we -- Ah, Mai!"

Ty Lee and Mai walked in, forcing a distinctly ruffled and extremely unhappy Zuko into the room in front of them. "He was hiding in Toph's wardrobe," Ty Lee said helpfully.

"What were you doing there, Sparky?" Toph asked suspiciously.

"I thought it was the last place anyone would look for me."

"Can I go now?" Mai asked.

"Yes," Jet replied, unprompted. "Go be bored elsewhere, while we do fun things with food. Oh, and I'm keeping your knives."

"Jet, stop being a prick," Suki hissed. "If she doesn't want to help us cook, she doesn't have to. And give her back her knives."

"Make me."

"Oh, you slimy little -- " she started toward Jet, a murderous expression on her face. Aang, Katara, Sokka, and Iroh all stepped in, pulling Suki away from Jet and putting as many people as possible between them.

"Why don't we compromise?" Katara suggested, one hand on Suki's arm and another on Jet's. "Jet, why don't you and Mai go find something to do?"

"No way," three voices said at once. Having expected Jet's and Mai's, Katara turned to the third speaker.

"Toph? Why not?"

"Because Jet's the only person here who knows how to cook anything from the Earth Kingdom."

"That's not true, Suki cooks, sort of," Katara responded, voice fading out toward the end of the sentence. Everyone glanced at Suki, who put her hands on her hips.

"That's right. I'm one of the best cooks on Kyoshi Island."

"Fan-girl, I've been to Kyoshi Island and that's like saying you're the nicest guy in the prison complex."

"Because the food on Kyoshi is so bad?" Aang asked, genuinely confused. "It wasn't the last time I was there..."

"No," Toph replied coolly, "because it's a complete and bald-faced lie. Fan-girl can't cook to save her life. Even if Jet sets his hair on fire, he's still a better cook than Suki."

"Hey," Sokka interjected. "Don't talk about her like that!"

"I am standing right here," Suki reminded everyone, a tone of intense and barely-controlled anger in her voice. "But," she continued, taking a deep breath, "you're probably right. Why don't Mai and I go do something?" She turned placatingly to Mai, who shrugged noncommittally.

"Sure, whatever."

"I'll go with you," Sokka said, valiantly ignoring the food displayed all in front of him for his girlfriend's sake. She smiled.

"Okay. Between the three of us, we can find something interesting to do, right?"

Mai let out a short, sarcastic laugh, earning a poke from Ty Lee. "Don't be so negative!"

"No," Jet gasped, "Gloomy McDeath is being _negative?_ Never!"

Sokka looked at him. "One day," he said calmly, "someone is going to kill you in a fit of rage, and you're going to deserve it. And I would bet very good money that it'll either be Mai or Suki who does you in."

Jet waved him and the two girls off. Katara sighed.

"All right. Now that that's all taken care of, maybe we can start cooking." She looked around, and let out a yell of frustration. "And where the _hell _is Zuko?"

* * *

A/N: Jet/Suki was requested, and I aim to please. You thought I was kidding about that Jet/Everyone, didn't you? I wasn't.

1. Yes, Sokka is wearing Jayne's hat.

2. I actually quite like Mai. I know this chapter kind of hates on her a bit, but it gets better.

3. Review!


	4. new, exciting ways to cause destruction

**kyoshi hold 'em  
**part four: new and exciting ways to cause mass destruction

"Uh oh," Ty Lee muttered. From where he was kneeling on the floor, picking through bags of flour and rice and beans, Zuko looked up.

"What?"

"Um," she replied, trying to figure out how to phrase 'a really, really ticked off waterbender is out for your blood because she thinks you ran off again and incidentally we're in the middle of her element so she can kill you with a flick of her wrist you might want to go in there and prostrate yourself at her feet and beg forgiveness and I know you didn't do it but she'll kill you before you get a chance to explain that and also we need black beans', but in a way that wouldn't get her hair burned off. "Katara is, um, looking for you."

"Why? We need something else from this mess?" He gave a frustrated growl and leaned back. "Does nobody clean anything here? I can't find anything in this stupid pantry."

"I'll help!" Ty Lee replied brightly -- anything to avoid going back out to the fuming Katara and trying-to-be-as-annoying-as-possible Jet -- and knelt down beside Zuko. "Besides, we need black beans, anyway. Are they in this bag?"

"No, I don't think so. What does Katara need?"

Ty Lee winced. "She, um, well, she thought you ran off and hid again. So, she kind of wants to gut you." Zuko blinked.

"You're kidding, right?"

"No."

"It didn't occur to her to ask Uncle where I might have gone?"

"Apparently not, and, well, he got sidetracked by an apple-hunt anyway."

He buried his face in his hands and let out a muffled scream. "What in the name of _Agni _above did I _do_ to piss her off?"

Ty Lee chewed on her lip, absently shifting the stored dry goods around. "Well, like I said, you called her an idiot."

"That hardly justifies this."

"Um," she said, scratching the back of her head, and then decided to just plow on and deal with the consequences later. "You see, it's like this. You were _cuddling _this morning, and yeah, I know you were so hungover you thought you were dead, but still. You were all cute and snuggly and stuff, and then you called her an idiot. So, to her, it's like you don't even care about the whole cuddling thing, when she obviously did, and that's a pretty big shot to someone's pride, you know? And Katara, well, she's proud, and she holds the South Pole record for grudge-holding. So, she's kind of overcompensating because of it and the only way she can get back at you is by attacking you at every turn. Makes sense?"

Zuko gaped at her, trying to process the lightning-fast explanation of events that Ty Lee had just thrown at him. On the one hand, Ty Lee was really good at reading people -- especially girls -- and thus was probably right. On the other hand, he barely understood anything that had just come out of her mouth, and what he did understand he didn't _like_. And had she just insinuated that Katara might have a _crush_ on him? It was hard to tell.

So, he fell back on his old excuse.

"Girls are _crazy._"

Ty Lee nodded. "We are. And complicated, too. At least Katara is easy to read. You remember how bad it was when you were dating Mai? I was ready to kill both of you by the end of _that_ relationship." She leaned forward. "But here's a secret: you know how you came to me for advice, like, every day? So did she. We girls may not make much sense to you guys, but you don't make much sense to us, either. We're all idiots when it comes to the opposite sex."

"You're starting to make homosexuality look good."

She brightened in a truly horrifying way. "Oh, _really?_"

Zuko watched the grin blooming over her face warily. "...I'm going to take these carrots back to the kitchen and try to diffuse Katara's temper. You... find black beans and, um, don't tell anyone about what I said. _Any _of it."

Ty Lee laughed outright. "Oh, I won't tell anyone but Toph. She'll be interested!"

"I can hurt you."

"Oh, fine," Ty Lee sighed. "Spoilsport."

* * *

"Okay, so we start with, um, dried seal jerky?" Jet looked at the recipe with revulsion. "Do I want to know where to find that?"

"It's almost winter," Katara responded, like that explained anything, "so there's plenty of seal jerky saved from the hunting season."

"Is that... healthy?"

"It's been dried," she said, shrugging. "Or we wouldn't very well call it _dried seal jerky_, now would we?"

"Hey," Toph said suddenly, from her perch on the countertop, brandishing a spoon of bread dough at them, "no arguing. We got rid of Fangirl and Knives so we wouldn't have any of this fighting. Grass-man, stop complaining and cut the potatoes."

"Grass-man?"

She shrugged. "I need a nickname for you. Give me time, I'll come up with a good one."

"Okay!" Aang said brightly, returning to the room with a bag full of seal jerky. "I got the seal jerky from Gran-Gran, who said something about not using any salt?"

Katara nodded, snatching the bag from Aang with more force than necessary. "Seal jerky is already really salty. If we add any more, it'll ruin the whole dinner."

"I've got the carrots Uncle wanted," Zuko said, causing everyone in the room to jump in fright.

"What the -- where _were _you?" Jet asked, ducking as Katara wrenched a knife out of the cutlery board on the other side of his head. "Watch it!"

"I was in the pantry," he replied easily, "and Katara, you really should be careful with those knives."

She _glared _at him so feircely that even Jet winced.

"What did I just say about fighting?" Toph hissed dangerously, jabbing at Katara with her wooden spoon. "Apologize to Jet and Sparky, Sweetness."

"No."

With a glare of her own, Toph reached out and thwacked Katara on the head with the doughy spoon. She cried out, and Jet started snickering, earning himself a smack on the head. "Ow! Don't do that, Blindness!"

"_What did you call me?_"

"What," he replied, rubbing his head and coming back with a doughy hand, which he glared at, "you're the only one who can give people nicknames?"

"Give me a nickname if you want to, but _don't _make it a reference to my blindness."

"What was that about fighting?" Zuko asked airily, snatching the unused knife from Katara and beginning to chop the carrots.

"Shut up!" Toph shouted.

"Everyone just calm down!" Aang interrupted, shoving Jet away from Toph, and thinking that maybe they should have sent Jet off with Mai after all. Sure, Jet probably would have come back with a whole crew of new holes all over his body, but there would be far less stress and frustration for everyone involved. "Toph, don't smack people with dough. Jet, don't insult Toph. Katara... whatever it is that you're mad about, get over it. And Zuko, just... chop the carrots and stop being snarky."

Zuko saluted with the knife, Katara fumed silently across the counter, and Jet -- in an uncharacteristic show of gentlemanliness, bowed to Aang and then stepped forward and hugged Toph, saying warmly, "I'm sorry I insulted you, Beautiful. That a better nickname?"

Toph blushed. "Yes, it is."

Jet grinned. "You know, I like you. You've got spunk. You would fit right in with the Freedom Fighters." In spite of herself, Toph giggled happily.

Aang gave Toph an odd look. Was she _giggling?_ Since when did she giggle? And at something _Jet_ had said, no less. Annoyed in spite of himself, he turned to Jet. "Didn't you disband the Freedom Fighters? What are you still fighting for? And if you say 'freedom,' so help me..."

"Equality," Jet replied easily. "There's still a lot of prejudice and hatred out in the Earth Kingdom. We keep the Fire Nation dickwads from attacking innocent Earth Kingdom citizens, and vice-versa."

"I would," Toph replied, still blushing, "but I already promised Zuko that I'd move to the palace and be his bodyguard."

"You need a sixteen-year-old blind girl to be your bodyguard?" Katara asked, snorting. Zuko shrugged, refusing to rise to the bait.

"Half of the nobility thinks I've ruined the Fire Nation forever. Who better to protect me from scheming nobility than a walking lie detector who also happens to be the greatest Earthbender in the world?"

"I'm liking this cooking thing more and more," Toph said, a huge grin on her face. "Go on, talk more about how awesome I am."

"As much as I love stroking Toph's ego, can we please get back to work?" Katara cut in, annoyed that her intended insult had backfired so spectacularly.

"If you like," Jet drawled, leaning against the counter and smirking at Katara, "we can stroke _your_ ego. Among other things."

Three people then smacked Jet across the face (Katara), back of the head (Zuko), and shoulder (Aang). Meanwhile, Toph roared with laughter.

"I'm sorry, but you walked right into that one, Sugar Queen," she said.

"I FOUND THE BLACK BEANS!" Ty Lee shouted, bounding into the room suddenly, startling everyone and causing Toph to let out a very un-Toph-like shriek and drop her spoon. Ty Lee looked around the kitchen, to see everyone glaring at her. "What? It was _hard._ You water-tribe people don't organize your pantries."

* * *

"That's called a royal flush, it's the highest hand you can get, beats everything else," Sokka explained, ignoring the total boredom on Mai's face. "It's also like, impossible, so you're probably never gonna use that information."

Suki sighed. "Kyoshi Hold 'Em is really easy to get the hang of, I promise," she said tightly. "But it's really boring with only three people. You need a big group and some alcohol to make it interesting."

"And a lack of clothes?" Mai asked sardonically. Suki shook her head.

"No, that just makes it annoying."

"If you ask me, the best way to make Kyoshi Hold 'Em interesting is to play with Jet and Ty Lee. But they're both in... the... kitchen..." Sokka trailed off, a look of absolute horror crossing over his face.

"What is it, baby?" Suki asked. Sokka looked between Suki and Mai.

"If Jet is in the kitchen," he started ominously, "where are the rest of his crew?"

* * *

"This is a terrible idea," Smellerbee insisted, for what had to have been the twelfth time. Longshot shrugged, clearly unwilling to get involved in any way, but the Duke waved her off.

"It's important information! Blasting powder is useless when it gets wet, so we need to find a way around that. And what better place to do so than the South Pole, where everything is cold and wet? Besides," he said, suddenly jumping as the spark hit the fuse and bolting back to Bee and Longshot, "setting things on fire will make it warmer in here."

"Fire melts ice, in case you didn't know. We might destroy the whole lodge."

"Eh," the Duke shrugged, "this place is crawling with waterbenders. They'll just fix it right back up."

* * *

Suki, Sokka, and Mai bolted from the common area, shouting for Jet to get his smarmy little butt out of the kitchen and find his crew.

"Where can they be? This lodge is huge!" Sokka whined, looking around, afraid.

"They're all sleeping in your room," Suki replied hurriedly, "Let's start there!"

The three of them ran off in desperation, but Sokka's room turned out to be empty, if horrifically messy. Sokka cast about in dismay.

"What did they do to this place? After all that time I put into cleaning it last week..."

"They're kids, Sokka," Mai drawled, surprisingly calm and understanding. "What did you expect? Where might they go? You know them better than I do."

Sokka leaned against the wall, thinking. "The Duke and Pipsqueak used to blow things up all the time, didn't they?" Suki groaned.

"We _have_ to find them."

"Oh, calm down," Mai insisted. "Blasting powder is useless when it gets wet. They won't be able to blow anything up in all this snow."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, a loud explosion rocked the entire lodge, nearly knocking them off their feet. Sokka and Suki both turned to Mai, who looked both annoyed and, strangely enough, amused.

"Guess they're inventing new and exciting ways to cause mass destruction," Sokka sighed. "What are you so happy about?" he snapped at Mai, "they're destroying _my home_."

"Anyone who can find a way to cause a massive explosion in the middle of a blizzard on the South Pole has my respect," Mai answered serenely, folding her hands into her sleeves like a noblewoman at high court. "Besides, this makes things _much _more fun."

"Let's just find them before Gran-Gran does," Suki said, shaking loose snow out of her hair and stalking out of the room. Sokka winced.

"Oh, man, Gram-Pakku is going to be furious..."

Mai stopped. "Gram-Pakku?"

Sokka waved her off, "Long story. Come on."

* * *

"What was that?" Ty Lee asked, clinging desperately to a chair leg. Around the kitchen, devastation reigned. Katara had been knocked off her feet and fallen backwards onto Zuko, who had also overbalanced and crashed into the table, trying to keep both himself and Katara on their feet, which he had failed spectacularly at, so they were both now on the ground underneath the overturned table. Jet had fallen unceremoniously against the stew pot, spilling half of its (scalding) contents on himself and Aang, and now both of them were howling in pain while trying to salvage as much of the food as possible. Toph had been knocked off the counter and landed gracelessly on Ty Lee, who had been in the process of getting up onto the countertop to avoid the worst of the blast, leaving the two of them tangled up on the floor beside the upturned table.

"I think," Zuko rasped, voice muffled in Katara's hair, "that Jet should find his friends."

Katara winced, trying to sit up without causing any further harm, but found herself trapped between the heavy table and a rapidly-suffocating Zuko. "Help?" she asked in a tiny voice, adjusting her position to let him breathe as much as possible, but catching Zuko directly in the ribcage with her elbow. "Sorry, Zuko."

"It's all right," he replied breathlessly, "I didn't really need that lung anyway."

Ty Lee tried to jump up to help her friends, but tripped over Toph's leg and sprawled forward, landing on Jet just as he was rising to his feet. He growled at her. "Aren't you supposed to be an acrobat? What's with this clumsiness?"

She shot him a venomous glare and leaped nimbly to her feet, uncaring if she "accidentally" kicked him in the shin in the process. Jet yelped and then gave up on trying to stand (and, it appeared, on life in general), just falling back against the ground and whimpering. With Toph's help, Ty Lee managed to pull the table off of Zuko and Katara, who both shuffled to their feet uncertainly. Aang stood over the half-empty pot, staring at it with extreme pain and desolation.

"All that work..." he said sadly. Katara shot him a look of sympathy, and then walked over to heal the burns he'd received from the stew.

"What about me?" Jet asked, as Katara stepped directly over him to get to Aang. "I'm burnt way worse than he is."

She shot him a scathing look. "It's your fault this happened. If you'd kept an eye on your crew like a good leader should, they wouldn't have just blown up half the world."

"How is it my fault? You don't even know that it was them!"

"I found your little delinquents," a voice drawled from the doorway. Jet sat up on his elbows. Standing there, holding the Duke in one hand and Smellerbee in the other (Longshot had wisely decided not to fight the inevitable, and thus had been allowed to follow behind), was an older man with a pointy mustache, and an expression of supreme fury on his face. "They blew up my home!"

"Grandfather, I am so sorry," Katara urged, stepping forward.

"You blew up his home?" Jet asked, incredulous.

"In my defense," the Duke squeaked, "I had no idea the rocket would fly that far." Smellerbee shot him a glare.

"It's a blizzard, genius. You thought shooting a flaming cylinder of blasting powder up into the wind would be a good idea?"

"Well," he spluttered, "yeah, kinda."

Pakku shook them angrily. They both squealed in terror. Jet stood up, deciding that if ever there was a time to lay the charm on thick, it was _now_. "Master Pakku, I'm terribly sorry. It's my fault," he said earnestly, laying a hand on his chest and wincing as he touched the burn and his hand squelched in the half-cooked stew. "I should have brought them in here with me to help Master Iroh with the cooking, but I left them to their own devices. I know how antsy they get when they're bored, but I never thought they would resort to explosives. Please, sir, they're just children. They didn't mean any harm. I'll pay for whatever damages they incurred."

The old man looked slightly mollified, and set the two kids down on the ground, where they promptly slipped and landed in sitting positions. "Well, no one was hurt, and it's nothing that can't be rebuilt fairly easily. Just..." he glared at the Duke, "_never _do anything like this _again_, understand me?"

"Loud and clear, Mister Mustache-Man," the Duke replied, saluting fearfully. Pakku turned to Smellerbee, who nodded, eyes wide.

"Won't happen again. We're done with explosives. Never again!"

Pakku growled, but didn't press the issue. "Katara, I'm placing them in your charge. I trust that you can control them better than," he looked Jet over, "_him?_"

Jet bit back a violent retort. Katara nodded deeply. "Of course, Grandfather. I won't let them out of my sight."

"I promise you, this will not happen again," Jet said, trying to convince Pakku that he was fully capable of taking care of two pyromanic children (and Longshot). The old man raised an eyebrow, turned on his heel, and left, ignoring Jet entirely. "_Asshole_," he muttered under his breath, reaching out to help Smellerbee and the Duke to their feet. "Seriously, though, don't do that again. Fire melts ice, you know?"

"That's what I _told _him," Bee insisted. "What happened to your chest?"

"Oh!" Katara said, jolting into action. "I'm sorry, but in the... I completely forgot about the burn!" She rushed forward to heal him, wincing at the glare he gave her.

"Thanks, Katara," he hissed, "now I'm gonna have a _scar._"

"Oh, _no_," Zuko said sarcastically, reaching out and clutching Jet's arm. "A _scar?_ How _terrible!_ Your life is _over!_"

Katara snorted in spite of herself, as the annoyance bled out of Jet's expression and was replaced by sheepish embarrassment. "Yeah, how horrible that he might have a little scar on his chest. Isn't that the worst thing in the world, Zuko?"

"Oh, it's just awful," he replied dramatically, a hand over his heart, "he should probably commit ritual suicide to avoid the shame and degradation of such a nasty fate."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry for whining about it. Just shut up," he grumbled. Zuko glared at him, and he realized that Zuko was less amused and more angry for Jet's overreaction to such a small scar, especially considering... He winced. "Thanks for healing me, Katara," he mumbled sincerely.

"You're welcome," she responded coolly, and returned to the stew. "I think we can still salvage most of this. We just need to bulk it up some"

"Rice is good for that," Ty Lee answered helpfully, looking between Jet and Zuko with what might have been anticipation (Aang could practically hear her mentally begging them to make out). "We can serve the stew over it and it'll go a lot further."

Katara nodded. "Good idea. Let's get this dinner finished."

"By the way," Aang mused, tossing some seasoning on the bread dough that was sitting out to rise. "Wasn't this Iroh's idea? Where is he, anyway?"

"Apple-hunting," Ty Lee replied. "Speaking of... Hey, Bee, do you have any apples?"

Smellerbee shot Ty Lee a dark look. "Yeah, but they're not for sale. They're the last of the harvest!"

"You have apples?" Aang said, leaning forward in desperate hope. "I need apples. I promised my flying bison he could have some if he took care of Sokka, and we really don't want an angry Appa who didn't get his apples."

"Not for sale."

"Pleeeease?" Aang pleaded. "I'll do anything!"

Smellerbee smirked, and Aang immediately realized that he had made a huge mistake. "_Anything?_" Aang gulped. The smirk became a full-blown grin.

Just then, Aang was saved by the arrival of Sokka, Suki, and Mai. "We were looking for -- Oh, they're here," Sokka said, slightly disappointed.

"Yeah, Pakku found them," Jet replied sourly. "They blew up his home. And now, Katara has to take care of them because apparently I'm not good enough."

"Well," Mai said slowly, "you _aren't._"

Sokka glanced at Mai, and then shuffled surreptitiously away from her. Ty Lee rushed over to maintain what peace she could. Jet's eyes narrowed. "Look, Bitchy McGloom, I've had a really, magnificently, horribly awful day, and you are doing _nothing _for my nerves. I have your knives, and right now, I am not above killing you with them."

"You think those are all the knives Mai has?" Ty Lee asked, stepping between Jet and Mai. "Because, trust me, she's got at least twenty hidden on her person. Calling her a bitch right now? Bad idea." She shook her head, drawing a knife across her throat as if to indicate just _how _bad an idea it was. Then she turned to the other girl. "But Mai, you really should try to be nicer to Jet. He _has_ had a bad day."

"And I am _so _concerned about that."

Jet finally snapped, snarling, and lunged at Mai, but Ty Lee stopped him with a few quick jabs. "Sorry I had to do that, but seriously, she would kill you, in a really gruesome way." Smellerbee and the Duke both leaped forward to catch Jet as he collapsed.

"What did you do to him?" Smellerbee shouted, fear on her face, obviously remembering Lake Laogai. Ty Lee held her hands up in a gesture of supplication.

"Nothing, nothing. I just hit a couple of pressure points. He'll recover in about fifteen minutes."

"I'm beginning to wish I'd never come here," Jet muttered darkly.

"Don't say that!" Ty Lee implored. "Haven't you had a lot of fun here? And you've made things much more interesting, even Mai can agree to that. Right, Mai?" The girl in question waved her hand unconcernedly. Ty Lee glared. "_Right, Mai?_" she repeated angrily. Mai's eyes widened almost imperceptibly.

"Right," she conceded, "He might be annoying as hell, but he does make things interesting."

Ty Lee nodded and beamed. "There now, we can all be friends. Let's get to cooking!" She bounded over to the fire to help Katara and Zuko (who were talking in low voices about something) with the stew. Mai looked at Jet.

"I am not your friend."

He sneered at her. "I didn't want to be _your_ friend anyway."

Smellerbee glared at Mai as the other girl walked away, but the Duke appeared thoughtful. "You know, she's really pretty." He turned to Jet, grinning. "You like her, don't you?"

Jet groaned and fell back onto the ground.

* * *

A/N: I accidentally forgot to post this when I wrote it, so I'm posting this one and the next part together. Also, I'm jumping off the Slippery Slope of Crack Ships. You're warned. (Also, in case you're wondering, Sokka does not, at the moment, know that Jet kissed Suki.)


	5. unspeakable acts involving dragonfruit

**kyoshi hold 'em**  
part five: unspeakable acts involving dragonfruit

"Okay, so," Katara started, stirring what remained of the stew (which now contained a depressing overabundance of carrots, thanks to an annoyed Zuko who had been eager to prove that he was a better cook than Jet), "we should be eating in about thirty minutes, once the rice and bread are finished. Ty Lee, how are you and Toph doing with dessert?"

She stayed still and continued to stir the stew aimlessly, figuring that it was better not to turn around and look for herself, as it would probably make her want to die. Things had been bad enough when she'd gotten back from taking a bath (Ty Lee had been as close as Katara had ever seen to actual anger, and Aang and Toph had both been sticky and, in Aang's case, terrified, although Toph hadn't appeared fazed in the slightest), and judging from the sounds she'd been hearing for the past half-hour, she _really _didn't want to know how things were going. "Um," Ty Lee replied in a small voice, "it's... It'll taste great, I promise."

"What in the name of... Toph, are you okay?" Jet cried, rushing past Katara, eyes wide and horrified. Katara steeled herself, took a deep breath, and then turned around.

Toph was sitting on the floor, a red substance smeared on her face and hands (the cause of Jet's horror -- he clearly thought it was blood), seemingly unconcerned as she whipped cream in a bowl placed between her knees. Her hair was dusted in a fine covering of white powder that might have been flour, although as far as Katara knew, it could be some kind of illegal drug imported from the Fire Nation. Her clothes were rumpled, stained, splotchy with dough (a casualty of her earlier bread-making), and sticky. She grinned.

"I'm great," she replied, pure _delight _ringing in her voice. "I never thought I would like cooking, but it's _fun!_"

"Toph, sweetie, you've eaten half of the dragonfruit filling for the pie," Ty Lee said quietly, either afraid to anger the literally half-baked blind girl, or trying to contain an intense anger of her own. Katara suspected the latter.

"Just make Sparky scrounge up some more of them. It's not like the Fire Nation is going to run out."

"With you there," Zuko said, wandering in to see what the commotion was about (and probably to steal some of the stew), "we just might." The girl in question shot him a bright, sticky red grin, clearly having the time of her life. Katara didn't even want to think about cleaning the kitchen after this, or -- worse -- cleaning _Toph_ after this.

She wondered vaguely how much she would have to pay Iroh to do the cleaning for her.

Ty Lee tried to take the bowl of whipped cream from Toph, but it stuck to her hands and came back gooey. She made a face and held the bowl gingerly by the edges, touching it as little as humanly possible. Toph, unconcerned, began licking her hand.

Katara turned to Zuko. "Cleaning this up is going to be a nightmare." He nodded, and reached over to ruffle Toph's hair.

"Is that... flour?"

"Powdered sugar," both Toph and Ty Lee replied immediately. "We didn't start off making dragonfruit pie," Ty Lee continued. "But it just kind of... happened that way."

Zuko glanced at Katara quizzically, who raised her hands. "Don't look at me, I had to bathe and change. When I came back in, Ty Lee was so mad she was crying and Aang told me that we'd be having dragonfruit pie for dessert. I didn't ask."

"Do I want to know what you did intend to make?" Jet asked, shooting Ty Lee a sympathetic glance and sitting down on the floor beside Toph (and swiping a finger over her cheek to taste some of the filling).

"We started off with one of Stretch's crazy Kyoshi recipes," Toph replied nonchalantly, snatching Jet's hand as he tried to get more filling off of her forehead and licking the filling off of it before he had a chance to it himself. He made an odd face and retracted his hand slowly. Zuko snickered.

"I really wanted to try and make Tempura Ice Cream, with dragonfruit glaze and mint garnish," Ty Lee clarified, leaning forward eagerly. "Doesn't that sound _awesome?_"

Zuko looked at her. "What is Tempura Ice Cream?"

Her eyes lit up. "It's when you take milk and cream, add sugar and vanilla, and you freeze it -- but not too cold, just, you know about to the temperature our rooms are at night -- and then you dip it in hot flat-cake batter, but only for a minute, so it's got this delicious, sweet, fried shell. And you serve it immediately, so it's still all hot and creamy and _amazing._ I had plans to add dragonfruit to it, you know, for Master Iroh's idea about mixing cultures and stuff? It was gonna be the best desert in the entire world."

"So what happened?" Jet asked, rubbing his hand on his pants. Ty Lee glared at Toph, who grinned impishly.

"Toph happened," she replied dryly.

"And I prefer pie," Toph cut in delicately.

"She _ate_ my ice cream," Ty Lee said petulantly. "And she got Aang and Smellerbee and the Duke to do it with her so there wouldn't be _any _of it left."

"Oh, come on, Ty Lee," Katara said, shaking her head, "you say it like she did it just to spite you. I know it's annoying, but she probably thought it was up for grabs."

"Nope," Toph answered gleefully, "I did it because she said that we couldn't make dragonfruit pie -- which is my favorite food in the history of _everything_ -- because we were using the dragonfruit to garnish her ice cream thing."

"Oh," Katara said uncertainly. "Well, then." Zuko slouched against the counter, still confused.

"I brought more than enough dragonfruit for both, though. Why didn't you just get more?"

Ty Lee coughed. "Um, you haven't checked your room lately, have you?"

He slowly stood up to his full (and intimidating, especially to the comparatively tiny Ty Lee) height. "What will I find when I do?" he asked dangerously.

"You, um, don't have any dragonfruit left, for starters."

Zuko closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and Katara could practically hear him counting to ten. Slightly calmer, he asked, in an extremely tight voice, "_Why _did you eat all of the dragonfruit that I brought as a gift for King Bumi?"

Everyone winced, and Ty Lee shifted a little so that Katara was standing between her and Zuko (Katara looked from one to the other and became suddenly engrossed in stirring the stew). "Well, it's um... It's kind of Aang's fault? And Smellerbee's. And... mine..." she trailed off in a tiny voice. Zuko raised an eyebrow.

"Go on."

The rest of her explanation came out in a single, frightened breath. It seemed that all of her time spent hanging around Azula had made Ty Lee _extremely _wary of the Royal Family, even though she was (most likely) safe from Zuko. "Well, Smellerbee was planning something really crazy and huge and scary for Aang to do in return for her apples, and I think it had something to do with chocolate and I don't know but Aang was really freaking out and then I remembered that you had all that dragonfruit you had said we could use for dessert and I said that maybe Appa would accept dragonfruit instead of apples, so Aang decided to try it because he was terrified of Smellerbee and it turned out that Appa _really _likes dragonfruit and so Aang and, um, I went through your stuff to find some more dragonfruit but Appa was really impatient so Aang just grabbed your bags and rushed off to the barn and, um..."

Katara tried to decide which would be the better course of action: to calm Zuko down and save Ty Lee's life, or to simply slink away (as, she noted, Jet and Toph had done the moment Ty Lee began her explanation) and avoid the inevitable fireworks. She glanced at Zuko, whose face was horrifyingly calm, and realized that she couldn't, in good faith, leave Ty Lee to face Zuko's wrath alone.

"Zuko," she started, placing a hand on his arm, "it's going to be fine."

"The fruit was a _gift _for the King of Omashu," he hissed through tightly clenched teeth, "I _promised _him I would bring him dragonfruit."

"It's King Bumi," Katara said, trying to be as soothing as possible, "he'll understand. And Aang _will _explain where all the fruit went, I'll make sure of that."

He didn't look convinced, but he also didn't look like he was about to lunge for Ty Lee's throat, so Katara tentatively called it a win. Ty Lee, for her part, had nearly collapsed in relief (Katara was reasonably certain that she now owned the acrobat's first-born child) and was smiling weakly.

"I'm really sorry it got so out of hand," she said meekly. "I thought we could just give him, you know, one or two, but..."

Zuko took a deep breath, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I... I guess it's all right. No one got hurt."

"And on the plus side," Katara said brightly, "Appa is happy, and Aang doesn't have to do anything unspeakable for Smellerbee."

She wasn't entirely sure, and -- on pain of death or dismemberment -- wouldn't even _consider_ thinking about it in any kind of depth, but she could have sworn that Ty Lee mumbled something that sounded like _more like to Smellerbee_. But she must have been hearing things.

Yes.

All other options were simply too horrifying to contemplate.

She glanced at Zuko, who, judging by the look on his face, had also heard what Ty Lee _most definitely _had not said_._ An awkward silence descended. "So..." she said slowly, trying to break the quiet. "Why don't we get everything ready for dinner?" Two immediate replies answered her.

"Yes, definitely."

"On it!"

Ty Lee, face brilliantly red, rushed out of the room, hopefully to find all the people who would be eating, and not simply running off to hide in mortification. Zuko gathered utensils and placemats and began setting them out on the big table. Jet and Toph poked their heads back in the door.

"Is it safe?" Jet stage-whispered to Katara. At the table, Zuko smacked his palm to his forehead. She couldn't help but giggle.

"Yeah, it's safe," she replied loudly, ignoring Jet's frantic shushing motions. "Is the pie ready?" she asked Toph, who nodded.

"Should be. Where did Ty Lee run off to so fast?"

Zuko coughed. "I think she went to get everyone," he said in a hoarse voice.

Jet looked deeply suspicious, and leaned over to Toph, in that same loud whisper (Katara was beginning to think that he had missed a crucial lesson on 'how to talk quietly' somewhere along the line), "I don't believe him. Let's find out."

"You do realize I can hear you, right?" Zuko said, clearly running thin on patience. Katara had half a mind to step in -- _again _-- and try to soothe his temper, but at the same time, Jet kind of deserved it. Besides, Zuko and Jet getting into a fight would probably be pretty entertaining.

A blush rose to her cheeks as the image leapt not-quite-unbidden to mind. She had been spending _way _too much time around Ty Lee.

(Speaking of, if they _did _get into a fight, she should make it a point to find the acrobat. Ty Lee would want to witness such an event. Plus, she could probably start taking bets on who would win and make a good amount of money -- and besides, she still needed to win her earrings back from Ty Lee.)

She mentally smacked herself. Since when had she been so callous toward her _friends?_ Sure, she and Jet (and Zuko) had something of a rocky relationship, but that didn't mean she was free to start _betting _on the outcome of a fight between the two of them!

"Fifteen coppers on Sparky," Toph said suddenly, sidling up next to her. Katara snickered in spite of herself and shook her head.

"I won't take that bet."

"Oh, come on," Toph wheedled, smirking. "It's almost winter at the South Pole, Sparky's firebending is at its weakest. Jet might actually have a chance to win this one."

Katara laughed. "Sparky -- I mean, _Zuko_," she shot Toph a glare, "doesn't need firebending to beat Jet."

"I dunno," another voice mused suddenly from behind them, causing both of them to jump. Sokka and Suki were standing behind them. Sokka continued, "Jet's a pretty good fighter with those hooks of his."

"They don't have weapons!" Katara protested. As they argued amongst themselves over the outcome of the possible fight, Jet and Zuko meanwhile regarded each other warily and finished setting the table. Jet glanced at the group congregated around the stew pot.

"What do you think they're talking about?" he whispered.

Zuko rolled his eyes. "They're probably plotting your death, especially Sokka. I'm surprised he hasn't killed you yet, by the way."

"For what?" Jet asked, affronted. Zuko gave him a look. "Okay, who told you?"

"Aang."

Jet heaved a sigh, and shook his head. "That kid... I would have thought that after all that time he's spent with Toph, he would have grown out of being such a goody-goody. I've got to work on breaking him of that. Anyway, it didn't mean anything. I was just making a point."

"You kissed her against her will."

He shrugged. "Suki's a big girl. If she wants to make me suffer for it, she can do it herself. She doesn't need Sokka to kill me for her."

"Still," Zuko mused, "it's a matter of male pride. If Sokka finds out..." he trailed off dangerously. Jet raised an eyebrow.

"Are you... Are you _blackmailing _me?"

Zuko gave him a grin that would have made Toph proud.

* * *

"So we meet here tonight to sample the _exquisite_ food made by members of all four nations, in the name of peace, brotherhood, and kinship," Iroh said dramatically, sweeping a hand over the assembled meal. In addition to all of the cooks, King Kuei and King Bumi had both shown up, along with Hakoda, Gran-Gran, Master Pakku, Chief Arnook, and an assortment of servants and by-standers. Zuko also noted that his uncle had a distinct lack of apples, and was beginning to suspect that the old man had never had any intention of cooking the dinner himself.

It _would _be just like Uncle.

Katara, on his left, was looking nervously between the food on the table and the guests around the table, clearly worried that there wouldn't be enough for everyone -- not an unsound fear. On his right, Smellerbee was fidgeting uncomfortably, shooting glares alternately at Aang and Iroh, finally earning a light smack on the back of the head from Jet, on her other side. He smirked a little -- he had purposefully placed Jet beside Sokka, who was blissfully unaware of the venomous glares Suki was sending from his other side at Jet. The Duke was seated beside Suki, and Gran-Gran and Master Pakku were both sitting in between the Duke and Longshot -- at the request of Master Pakku, who had wisely suggested splitting up the more rambunctious of their crew.

Unfortunately, seated directly across from Smellerbee was Toph, and Zuko had a feeling that things would, indeed, get out of hand. He could only hope that the presence of both Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation royalty -- not to mention the leaders of both Water Tribes -- might keep the chaos to a minimum.

"I bet I can eat more Fires of Agni peppers in one mouthful than you can," Toph hissed across the table at Smellerbee, who cast a sidelong glance at Jet (who appeared far more interested in wrestling a slice of bread away from Sokka than anything else).

"You're on," she replied, eyes narrowing.

Zuko bit back a groan, and wondered how much he would have to pay the Water Tribe in reparations for tonight.

* * *

"Well," Sokka said tentatively, looking around the monstrously messy dining hall, "at least the food was good."

Katara laughed weakly. Master Pakku clapped a hand on her shoulder. "I must apologize. I thought that breaking up the trio who blew up my house would keep things under control. I admit, I had forgotten about Lady Bei Fong."

Suki glanced behind them, "Speaking of, do you think she'll ever get the pie out of her hair? It looked pretty... nasty."

"All right," an elderly voice called from behind them, and Suki, Sokka, and Katara all turned. Gran-Gran walked in, with mops, dish-cloths, two brooms, and copious amounts of soap, "here are the cleaning supplies." She passed them out to her grandkids (and Suki, who may as well have been). "Enjoy."

"But we made the dinner!" Sokka whined, cluching weakly at a mop.

Pakku nodded and slapped him on the back in what should have been a jovial manner, but in the circumstances was simply cruel. "All the more reason to clean up your own mess."

Katara looked around. "I'm trying to decide if getting Jet and Zuko and Mai and Ty Lee and all of them in here will make this go faster or not..."

Suki ran a hand through her hair thoughtfully. "Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee, yes. Jet and his crew, no. We should also leave Toph out so she can bathe. Oh, and we should get Aang! He'll be helpful."

Sokka nodded resolutely. "Okay. You two get started in here, I'll go get others to help us."

Both Suki and Katara shouted in protest and stopped him, shoving him unceremoniously to the ground and pinning him there with the butt ends of their mops. "No way," Katara said firmly. "Suki, you make sure that he doesn't move from this spot. _I'll _get the others."

Katara left Suki to guard her brother, and began hunting for the rest of the group. She found Jet, Smellerbee, Longshot, the Duke, and Aang all crowded in Sokka's room, raiding their bags for clothing to change into (and, in Aang's case, to borrow soap and a razor from Jet). Smellerbee, she noted, was literally dripping with pie and scowling at Aang. Having spent much of the food fight hiding under the table from the chaos, she wasn't entirely sure how the other girl had ended up covered in pie, but she had a sneaking suspicion that the reason was named Toph.

"Aang, could you help us clean up the dining room?" she asked quietly, not wanting Jet to think she was for some reason asking his help. Luckily, Jet was arguing with Longshot over the identity of someone's shirt, and so wasn't paying attention. Aang cringed.

"Um, I will, just... let me change?"

Katara nodded. Aang currently bore a distinct similarity to an ice-cream sundae -- his shirt was splattered with alternating bands of dark brown stew and what might have been mashed potatoes, and a large quantity of whipped cream had ended up on his head. She was overcome with the mad urge to find a cherry and place it delicately on top of his head.

Zuko was in his own room, half-changed already, and barely glanced up when she walked right in. "You forgot how to knock?" he asked sardonically. She shrugged, and found herself a little disappointed that he was only shirtless.

Yes, she had definitely been spending far too much time around Ty Lee.

"We still have to -- "

"Clean up the mess," he completed for her, pulling a shirt on and shaking his hair, still wet from what must have been a very fast bath. "I'll be in there to help in a bit, but I've still got to discuss some things with Kuei and Uncle."

"Need to make sure that a face-full of rice and vegetables isn't going to start up another war?"

Zuko flinched. In truth, she wasn't entirely sure it was Zuko who had thrown the food at King Kuei -- it didn't sound much like Zuko, and he had been sitting right next to Smellerbee -- but either way, the dinner had been Iroh's -- and therefore the Fire Nation's -- idea, meaning that it was Zuko's responsibility to apologize for all the shenanigans that occurred at the dinner.

"Kuei's pretty reasonable, right?" he asked earnestly, scratching the back of his head. Katara nodded.

"It'll be fine. Just meet us there whenever you're through. I'm sure we'll still be cleaning."

Mai and Ty Lee were a bit harder, but she finally found them -- oddly enough -- in the barn with Appa. Mai looked distinctly uncomfortable as the object of Appa's current affections (considering the amount of dragonfruit that had ended up on her clothing), but Ty Lee was petting Momo and cooing happily at him, suspiciously clean. They both jumped when she entered the room and coughed, and Ty Lee gave her a guilty look.

"Oh, Katara... Heh. What brings you to the barn?" Ty Lee asked nervously. Katara raised an eyebrow and glanced at Mai, who raised both of her hands in supplication.

"It seemed like the safest place to hide," she said slowly, and then gave Appa an odd glance, "but that was before I realized this... _thing _would be here."

"He likes dragonfruit, Mai, I told you that," Ty Lee said, exasperated. "And we weren't _hiding, _we just, um..."

"Wanted to see Momo and Appa?" Katara supplied. Ty Lee nodded brightly, but Mai sighed and stood up.

"Okay, okay. We'll help you clean. Just... keep the animals away from me."

"But we haven't even seen Bosco yet..." Ty Lee said, stalling. "You know how much he likes you..."

"Ty Lee," Katara said dangerously. The other girl sighed.

"Fine, fine. We'll go. Just let Mai change first. She's still all fruity."

"Of course," she said, reaching out and grasping Ty Lee by the elbow, "Mai can change. But you look awfully clean, so come help us." Katara could have sworn that Mai snickered. Actually _snickered._ Katara was flabbergasted. _Mai _actually found something _funny? _An oddly warm glow flooded her at the thought that she had made the most stoic and unexpressive girl in the entire world _laugh_. Her, Katara of the Southern Water Tribe.

She dragged Ty Lee back to the dining area, to find Suki stradding Sokka's abdomen -- in what was possibly the least sexy way imaginable. Her mop was placed across his collarbone, holding him tight to the ground, and her knees were on each of his elbows. She also had a disturbing smirk on her face.

"Say uncle, come on, Sokka!"

"I refuse!"

Ty Lee coughed, and Suki jumped, giving Sokka the leverage he had been looking for. In a flash, he had turned the tables, wrenching the mop out of Suki's hands and getting her in much the same position he had been in. He grinned.

"Come on, Suki..."

"Oh, fine," she said, sighing, and leaned up, kissing him very slowly and langoriously. Katara and Ty Lee glanced at each other, worried at where this might end. But Sokka reacted quickly, breaking the kiss and pushing her back down.

"Oh, no. I know what you and your... _wiles _were planning to do. You wanted me to let my guard down! Not this Warrior!"

"Damn," Suki grumbled. "Fine, since Katara and Ty Lee are here... Uncle."

Sokka let out a whoop and leaped up. "That's the first time I've ever beaten her at that game!"

"Really?" Katara said, with a tone of great surprise and happiness, "Sokka, that's _wonderful!_" Suddenly, she dropped the cheer from her voice and thrust a bucket and soap into one of his hands. "And I don't care. Let's clean."

Sokka shot her a dark glare and mumbled something about _stupid spoilsport sisters_ under his breath.

* * *

A/N: If you'd like to imagine the food fight, I encourage you to watch _Hook _with Robin Williams and Dante Basco (AKA Zuko's voice actor, for the three of you who didn't know), and watch the dinner scene. For maximum enjoyment, superimpose Zuko's image over Rufio's. I didn't write it because I feel like food fights are one of those things that only really work well in visual media, and besides, it's more fun to imply things that happened and let the reader fill in the blanks.


	6. mistakes and consequences

**kyoshi hold 'em**  
(part six: mistakes and consequences)

Katara had made a mistake. A very big, very huge, very terrible mistake, the repercussions of which she would probably be dealing with for a very, very long time.

She had, in a fit of mischievousness, dumped her entire bucket of soapy water on Zuko.

In her defense, he was being such a _grouch_ to everyone about everything, and without Toph there to lighten his mood (and with Ty Lee too afraid of his wrath to do or say anything about it), and with Sokka overly preoccupied with trying to escape, it had fallen to her to make the Fire Lord stop being such a grumpy-pants.

On the one hand, it did work - Zuko had glared daggers at her and tossed a sponge at her face (and missed), nearly kick-starting a full-fledged Cleaning Supplies War (only stopped when Aang shuffled purposefully between them, wide-eyed and mopping pointedly), but he'd stopped growling at everything, if only to plot his revenge against her. The mistake was not that she had caused Zuko to plot revenge, however.

The mistake was that now Zuko was dripping wet and soapy and she couldn't focus on _anything _but that fact.

At least she wasn't the only one - Ty Lee and Suki were both openly staring, especially when he got frustrated and started tugging at his shirt like he was considering just taking it off (all three of them found themselves suddenly very interested in helping him clean his area), and a vein in Mai's forehead was beginning to twitch, as though she really wanted to attack them but knew she no longer had the right. Sokka had also taken notice of what the girls had taken notice of, Suki in particular.

"Oh, come on!" he huffed, "It's not _that_ interesting. He's just soaked. What could you possibly find attractive about Zuko looking like a drowned rat?" Ty Lee leaned close to Sokka conspiratorially and whispered something to him, which caused his face to turn an odd shade of green. "You _pervert!_" he spluttered, as Ty Lee shrugged and went back to mopping, "his pants aren't _that _tight!"

Unfortunately, this drew Zuko's attention, and he looked down in horror, apparently just realizing what was going on around him. He shot Katara a venomous glare, and she began to whistle a tune, hiding her blush behind her hair and trying not to laugh. Then, to everyone's (except Sokka's and Mai's) dismay, he loudly announced that he was going to go change, and left.

Ty Lee groaned, "_Thanks, _Sokka. Now I have to follow him."

"Why do you have to follow him?" Aang asked curiously. Suki snickered.

"Why do you _think_, Aang?" she answered for Ty Lee. "So she can see him wet, soapy, _and _naked."

This was all Sokka could take. "You've gotta be _kidding _me! Zuko is not _that _hot! _I'm _hotter than Zuko!" Ty Lee was suddenly hit with a vicious coughing fit, Katara laughed outright, but Suki inspected him critically.

"I don't know... Zuko's got a _really _nice body..."

Sokka gaped at the girls like a fish, and then a look of angry determination came over his face, and he snatched Aang's mop-bucket ("Hey!") and dumped it over his own head, flipping his hat as though it were hair and striking what he must have thought was a sexy pose. "See? I'm _much _hotter than Zuko!"

"How about we call it even?" Suki suggested (Katara had a sneaking suspicion that she had been manipulating her boyfriend into doing just this).

"Yeah, Sokka, let's call it even," Katara said, trying her level best not to collapse into either hysterics or vomiting at Sokka's posing. Ty Lee, on the other hand, wasn't even looking at Sokka.

She was gaping at Mai. "Are you..." she began, drawing the attention of everyone, "Are you _ogling _Sokka?"

Mai turned a color of red that Katara never would have expected, and opened her mouth to protest, but nothing came out. Instead of a response, she threw her sponge at Ty Lee and rushed out of the room with as much dignity as she could muster, chased out by Suki's hysterical laughter and Ty Lee's insistence that it was totally okay to be a normal, red-blooded female.

"Great," Aang muttered darkly, "now we're out two cleaners _and _Sokka used all of my mop water."

"We're only out one cleaner," Katara said breezily. "Zuko will be back once he's changed. And you know, you can just waterbend yourself some more water, right? Or just get the water off Sokka."

"No," Suki whined, "Sokka's so entertaining when he's soapy and wet."

"Not to me," Katara grumbled.

"You're just mad that Zuko left," Ty Lee replied, a hint of _something _in her tone. Katara eyed her warily.

"Am not."

"Oh, _please. _I saw you staring. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Katara..." Sokka started, in a dangerous tone.

"Oh, will you look at that!" Katara said, all in a rush, "We're running _really _low on soap. I'll go get some more!" With that, she rushed from the room, sympathizing suddenly with the position Mai had been in minutes prior.

She ran into the girl in question in the hallway outside the dining area, apparently locked in a vehement argument with Jet.

"You're _not allowed _in the dining area," Mai hissed, arms crossed over her chest.

"Why the hell not?" Jet asked loudly, "I just want to get some dessert for the Duke! He missed out because _someone _thought it would be funny to throw his pie."

"Don't blame me," Mai replied coldly, "and you're not allowed in there. Both Katara and the Matriarch of the Southern Tribe said you can't go in."

"Gran-Gran said he couldn't go in there?" Katara asked, trying to remember if she had heard anything of the sort. Mai shot her a glare, and she suddenly caught on. "Oh... Yeah, she did, didn't she?" Unfortunately, Jet had also caught on.

"Stop lying, and let me in."

"No," Mai said firmly. Katara was about to offer a compromise, such as Jet staying here while either she or Mai went to get the Duke some pie, but then she realized that both she and Mai had left the dining area for very good reasons.

"Sorry, Jet. But you can't go in."

"Can you at least tell me _why the -_" here he cursed so strongly that Katara took a step back, "I can't go in there?"

"Because..." she cast around for an excuse, but Mai beat her to the punch.

"Because we're cleaning up the mess _you _and _your crew_ made, and we don't need you in there to make things worse," she cast a sidelong glance at Katara, "Any worse than it already _is_, that is." Katara blushed. Jet, on the other hand, looked mildly interested.

"And you went through the trouble of posting a _guard_ to keep me out?"

"No," Katara said, "that was just freak coincidence. Oh! That reminds me, I need to get soap."

"We already need more soap?" Mai asked, turning to her suddenly. Katara's blush deepened, and she began to wonder if it might not be a good idea to fake a deathly illness to get out of the rest of cleaning duty.

"Well, no, but... Um. I was going to get some... to, uh, make sure we didn't run out!" She explained hurriedly, wincing at her own complete inability to lie with any sort of grace. Mai nodded, raising an eyebrow and looking utterly unconvinced, but she stepped aside and allowed Katara to pass. Jet, however, was not so kind.

"Riiiiiight," he drawled, holding his hand out to stop her. "What are you _really _doing?"

"She's probably going to spy on Zuko changing," Mai said, a hint of amusement in her voice.

It was about at this point that she began wishing for the earth to open up and swallow her whole, or maybe for the South Pole's indigenous seal population to suddenly stage a coup against them, or possibly for a freak accident to suddenly strike Jet and Mai dead.

"Oh, really?" Jet said, drawing out the syllables and leaning forward like a predator catching scent of his prey. "Spying on Zuko changing, huh? Veeeery interesting," he said thoughtfully, tapping his finger on his chin.

"I wasn't - It's not like - You've got the wrong idea! That wasn't what I - Stop laughing!"

Ty Lee chose that moment to walk into the hallway. Katara lit up in excitement, but her relief was short-lived. Both Mai and Jet let Ty Lee pass with only a short "Oh, hey Mai, hey Jet." "Hey, Ty Lee."

"What!" Katara shrieked desperately, "Why did you let her just walk on by! She probably _is _going to spy on Zuko changing!"

"Probably," Jet said matter-of-factly, and then grinned, "but she wouldn't freak out about it and deny it, like some people I might name."

Where were world-ending cataclysms when you needed them?

* * *

"So," Toph said, startling Zuko, who whipped around in horror before relaxing when he saw who had intruded.

"Don't _do _that," he grumbled, "you do realize I'm half-naked?"

"Nope, not really," she replied, grinning, "anyway, how'd ya get soaked?"

"Katara," he said, and didn't elaborate.

"Oh, _really?_" she asked in deeply interested tone. "And why did she soak you?" She sniffed at the air suddenly, "And why with soap?"

"We were cleaning the dining area. I guess she started channeling _you._"

"Nah," Toph replied, hopping onto Zuko's bed, sitting directly on his shirt and pants. He nudged her shoulder pointedly, but she refused to budge, so he started rummaging through his clothes, apparently too tired to bother arguing. "If she started channeling me, she would have _frozen _the water after she dunked you with it."

"You can't freeze water."

She waved off his argument, "It's the principle of the thing."

He rolled his eyes. "There a reason you're here?"

"I heard arguing in the dining area, something about you being all sexy and soaked," He groaned and blushed. Toph grinned, "so I figured I would do you a huge, _massive _favor and keep anyone from, you know, spying on you. Like Ty Lee, for instance." There was a gasp from outside the door, and the sound of footsteps hurriedly running away. Zuko smacked his forehead angrily. Toph laughed, "I just _guessed_ on that one! I am awesome!"

"No, you just know Ty Lee," he corrected, before she could get too much into self-praise, and pulled a pair of conspicuously loose pants on. "So what do you want in return for this huge, massive favor?"

"Um," she started, twisting uncharacteristically with her hair. He peered at her concernedly.

"What is it? You can tell me."

She took a deep breath, and plunged on quickly, "How well do you know Jet?"

He raised an eyebrow, both surprised and slightly horrified. "Why do you ask?"

She coughed, and blushed. "No reason."

"You're not thinking of taking him up on his offer, are you?"

"No..." she said thoughtfully, still twirling a lock of her hair. "Just... curious."

"Curious?" he replied, teasing her lightly, "Well, I don't know him that well. He's not exactly a good guy," he warned, shooting her a pointed look.

"Well, now that Fan-Girl's got Sokka all to herself, I need a new, older guy to, you know, um..." she suddenly seemed to realize that she had said a little too much, and groaned.

"Does Toph have a _crush?_" he asked unnecessarily, poking her in the forehead. She frowned and rubbed her head.

"_No._" He snorted. "I mean... not really. It's just..." she sighed. "Nevermind."

"No, no, no," Zuko said suddenly, catching her by the arm. "I didn't mean like that. You want me to find out if he likes you?"

She shuffled her feet, clearly wishing she was on solid ground rather than ice, and mumbled something vaguely affirmative. It was a bit unnerving, watching Toph act like such a... _girl._

"I'll... do what I can," he said uncertainly. "If you're sure."

"Yeah, I guess," she said. Zuko examined her face, watching for her to let on that it had all been a joke at his expense, but she didn't seem to be letting up any time soon. Or, perhaps, she wasn't joking. It was unsettling thought. "But you can't tell _anyone!_" she added hurriedly, a look of great alarm crossing over her face.

"Who do you think I am?" he asked, affecting an indignant tone.

"Zuko, come on," she whined, and he realized, with horror, that she wasn't joking or messing with his head. She actually _did _have a crush on Jet!

"You know I won't tell anyone, Toph," he assured her, "Your secret's safe with me."

"And you'd better not make it... obvious, when you ask him about me!"

"Oh, I would _never_," he teased, "I'll just ask him what he would do if a young, beautiful, blind... _water_bender had developed feelings for him..."

"Sparky!" she shouted, and Zuko laughed.

"Don't worry, Toph. I won't tell."

"Promise," she insisted, pouting. He placed a hand over his heart.

"I promise," he said. She tilted her head, and then rushed forward and hugged him tight around the middle.

"Thanks, Sparky," she said, her voice muffled in his chest. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and patted her on the head.

"You're welcome," he told her sincerely, then stepped back. "Now, can I put on a shirt?"

Toph giggled. "Sure thing. I'll stand guard."

* * *

When Zuko returned (with Toph, who insisted that she not be left out of the fun), she found Jet and Mai frozen to opposite walls of the hallway leading down to the dining area, both glaring at the other with vitriol.

"This is _your fault_," Jet sneered. Mai scoffed.

"_You're _the one who thought it would be _funny _to tease her!"

"_You're _the one who started this!"

"What happened here?" Zuko asked, but had a feeling that he already knew the answer.

"Katara," both Jet and Mai answered, and then returned to their glaring and arguing.

"All right, all right," he interrupted, ignoring Toph's incessant snickering behind him, and went over to thaw Mai out of the ice.

"What about me?" Jet shouted petulantly.

"I'll get to you, just be patient!"

Toph shook her head and went over to begin chipping Jet out of the ice. "Thanks, _Toph_," he said pointedly, "you're such a good _friend._" Both Mai and Zuko sneered at him, and Toph ducked her head to hide her blush.

Mai was freed first, and she stalked off with a short "Thank you, Zuko," in the opposite direction as the dining area. Zuko started to ask, but then seemed to think the better of it, and turned to melt Jet out of the ice.

"So," Toph began, rocking back and forth on her feet, "how'd you tick off Sweetness so bad?"

"Just teasing her like always. Apparently," he said, giving Zuko an odd look, "she took it a little too seriously."

Zuko rolled his eyes, "You really shouldn't make fun of her. Next time, I'm not getting you out."

"That's okay," Jet replied, clapping a hand on Toph's shoulder, "'cause my friend Toph here will. She's much better than all the rest of you, anyway."

Toph smirked and stuck her tongue out at Zuko, who winced internally. The thought of what Jet might do if he knew that Toph had a crush on him. Best-case scenario was that he would be uncomfortable and push her away, hurting her feelings. Worst-case scenario...

What if Jet felt the same way? The thought made his skin crawl, although he wasn't entirely sure why. He just didn't think that Jet would quite be good for Toph.

_Is this what Sokka felt when Jet was all over Katara?_ he wondered. Like he would punch the other boy in the face if he so much as _thought _about touching, or - Agni forbid - _hurt _her? He couldn't remember ever feeling this way about Azula or any of the boys who had chased her, but then again, he had always been more concerned about the _boys _in that situation, rather than Azula's feelings.

"So," Toph said, looking worryingly comfortable under Jet's arm, "about this clean-up-the-dining-room thing?"

"Yeah, it sounds like fun," Jet said cheerfully, retracting his arm. Zuko sighed, knowing that he was about to regret this.

"All right, come on."

Jet grinned.


	7. harmless as a baby mooselion

**kyoshi hold 'em**  
part seven: harmless as a baby moose-lion

"Okay, well, all that's left is the ceiling, and I vote that we make someone else do that part," Zuko said, popping his neck and looking around at the assembled group, "all in favor?"

Surprisingly, after the brouhaha with the mop bucket water, Mai's exodus from the dining room, and Jet and Toph's addition to the crew, things had gone remarkably smooth. Apparently, Jet was deeply opposed to being frozen to another wall by Katara and Toph was threatened with being returned to her parents in Gaoling if she should cause any mayhem (she grumbled darkly and insisted that "Sparky wouldn't do that to me" but Zuko received glares from Katara, Sokka, and Suki, and so kept his mouth shut). As such, they had managed to finish the massive cleaning operation within an hour, studiously ignoring Iroh's gleeful proclamation that "look, now you've all learned a valuable lesson about the benefits of cooperation over arguing!"

"I'm in favor of making Uncle Sparky do it," Toph said, collapsing into a chair as though she had done all the work.

"I'll vote for that," Jet agreed, and began rummaging through the cabinets. "Hey, do we have anymore of that firewhiskey? Oh, hello..." he trailed off, pulling out a large bottle of a clear, brown liquid. "What have we here?" He pulled the top off and sniffed at it.

"Uh," Sokka answered, stepping forward and reaching out to stop Jet before he did exactly what he was about to do, "that's Akavit, and you're not supposed to - drink it," he finished lamely. Jet coughed hard and hit himself on the chest a couple of times.

"That is _awful_, Sokka, what _is_ this?"

"It's a traditional drink, used in a coming-of-age ritual," he replied, holding out his hand for Jet to hand him the drink, which he did as though it was covered in poison. "It's also something like 70 percent alcohol, so your liver is about to jump out of your body and strangle you."

Jet waved him off, "I only took a sip. Besides, I've got the alcohol tolerance of..." he cast around, unable to think of anything that was particularly known for its alcohol tolerance, "something that doesn't ever get drunk," he finished, and returned to searching the cabinets. "Holy... Is this _Absinthe?_ Who the hell brought _Absinthe_ to a peace summit?"

Zuko was suddenly overcome with a coughing fit. Toph snickered.

"We are not, I repeat, _not_," Katara said, roughly snatching the bottle from Jet's hands, "drinking that. End of discussion."

Jet held up his hands in supplication, "Sure, fine," he said airily, and then leaned forward, "so that means you're drinking with us, right?"

"I never said that!"

"You used the word 'we'," he insisted, grinning, "that means you're in with us. And if not, well," he held out his hand for the Absinthe, forcing her to make a choice. She glared at him, and then looked at the Absinthe, weighing the pros and cons.

"Ugh, fine. I'll drink with you, but I am not getting drunk again like last night."

"Fair enough," he replied, smirking, and returned to the cabinets. "So, Sokka, you're going to play Kyoshi Hold 'Em with us again, right?"

"Who said we were playing Kyoshi Hold 'Em again tonight?" Zuko asked suddenly. "Some of us might prefer to sleep."

"Yeah, right, Sparky," Toph said, elbowing him in the ribs. "You know you want the chance to get Sugarqueen out of her shirt."

"Hey!" Katara interjected, holding an arm pointlessly over her chest while Zuko turned bright red and stammered something to the effect of _No, I don't_, "That's not true, and besides, who said I was going to play?"

"Well," Jet said, pulling out a bottle of Olde Omashu Meade and inspecting it curiously, "you did say you were going to drink with us. And don't you have some things you need to win?"

Ty Lee waltzed over to the counter, where everyone was gathering, followed by Suki. (An annoyed Aang watched from the opposite side of the room disapprovingly.) "What's going on here... Is that Absinthe?"

"It is," Toph replied proudly, "but we're not drinking it."

"You in for another round of Kyoshi Hold 'Em?" Jet asked, raising the bottle of Meade like an offering.

"Of course," Ty Lee replied.

"No way," Suki said at the same time. Then she caught Sokka's eye, "I will help Sokka, though."

"You can't do that!" Jet said loudly.

"You and Ty Lee and Zuko all got together last night and _conned_ him out of his clothes! At this point, anything is fair game."

Zuko rubbed his chin thoughtfully, wincing at the day's growth of stubble that he hadn't had a chance to shave, "She's got a point. Besides, if Toph is going to play, someone will have to help her. Maybe we should play in teams?"

"Can't," Sokka said suddenly, counting on his hands. "We have an uneven number of players."

"No we don't," Ty Lee said brightly. "Aang, come on. Play some cards with us!"

"I am not getting involved in this," he replied, furiously scrubbing the floor even though it was spotless.

"C'mon, pleeeease?" she begged, bouncing over to him and pulling him up off the floor. "Someone's gotta help Toph play..." she sing-songed, a grin blooming on her face as Aang sighed and walked back to the group with her.

"Okay, okay," Jet said, pulling down glasses from another cabinet. "Say we do this team thing. That's Toph and Aang, Sokka and Suki, me and Katara - "

"No," Katara said abruptly. "I am not going to be on your team."

He turned on his most charming smile. "Oh, come on, Kat," he said in a low, flirtatious tone, "we'd make an amazing team!"

"No," she replied shortly, crossing her arms. "And do _not_ call me Kat."

"Fine," Jet grumbled, dropping the sultry tone, "Me and Ty Lee, then, so Katara is teamed up with Zuko. Hmm."

"Or," Ty Lee said, with an odd glint in her eyes, "_Me_ and Katara team up, and Jet and Zuko work together..."

Jet smirked suggestively, "I can run with that." On the other side of the counter, Zuko mouthed _save me_ to Katara, who rolled her eyes.

"No, I can't be on the same side as Ty Lee. She's still got my earrings. And my shoes."

"Oh, fine," Ty Lee huffed. "I'll be on Jet's - Wait! What about Mai?"

"Mai won't want to play," Zuko said.

"How do you know?" a voice drawled from behind them. Zuko winced and ran a hand over his face. "Maybe I love Kyoshi Hold 'Em." Mai shuffled in, leaned against the counter, weaving just a little, and pulled a tall bottle of clear liquid out of her sleeve. "I also brought vodka. Finest in the Fire Nation." Her voice was very slightly slurring. A deep terror began to rise in Zuko's soul.

Mai had come here with two bottles of Fire Nation Vodka.

"I knew we kept you around for a reason," Jet said cheerfully, taking the vodka from Mai (who glared and almost didn't let him take it) and setting it up with the other alcoholic drinks he had found. "But now we have too many for teams."

"I could just not play..." Aang said, but Ty Lee drowned him out, going so far as to shove a hand over his mouth.

"Oh well, then," she said quickly, "guess the team thing is out."

"I'm still playing with Sokka," Suki insisted.

"You can't," Jet replied. Something cold glinted in Suki's eyes, and she leaned forward dangerously.

"Well, I _am_."

Jet wisely backed off. "Tch, fine. Whatever."

"So," Toph said, jumping into the awkward silence, "let's take this to common room and get started."

"Someone help me with the drinks and glasses," Jet called out, before the group could get too far away and leave him with it. Aang stepped forward, but Ty Lee suddenly jumped in and nudged him away, nodding toward Toph, who was standing still and tapping her foot, waiting for someone to lead her away, unable to see on the ice.

"Ty Lee?" Katara asked, watching the exchange and picking up a bottle of Makapu's Finest Whisky, "is there any particular reason you're so determined that Aang get involved in this game?"

"Why?" she replied quickly, and then leaned forward suspiciously, "You're not still with him, are you?"

"No," Katara said slowly, "but he is one of my best friends and if you're... _planning_ anything..."

Ty Lee laughed, "Oh, I'm not planning anything. At least, nothing that'll hurt him."

"You want to get him drunk," Katara accused. "Is there any reason why?"

"Are you kidding?" Ty Lee said incredulously, "The Avatar, drunk off his skull? I'd pay good money to see that," she nodded several times for effect. "It'll be fine, Fussybritches. It's just a little alcohol. He's a big boy, he can take care of himself."

"He's against drinking, Ty Lee. You can't force him."

"No one's forcing him," she assured, "but it's a lot more fun once you get a little alcohol in your system. Besides, he didn't take any vow of non-alcoholism, right?"

"Not that I know of..." Katara started uncertainly. "But - "

"Then it's all good!"

Katara gave up and walked away, rolling her eyes. Ty Lee watched her go for a long moment, and then glanced back at the counter, where the bottle of Absinthe was still sitting, looking innocent and harmless as a baby moose-lion. She grinned and picked it up. "This'll make things _a lot_ more fun..."

* * *

"All right then," Jet announced, taking the seat that Zuko had been in the night before. "I'm dealer this time, so what I say goes."

"Who made you dealer?" Zuko asked, setting down two handfuls of glasses and shooting Jet a glare.

"I did," he replied flippantly, and continued like he hadn't been interrupted. "So we've got two teams, of Toph and Aang, and Sokka and Mega-Bitch - "

"Jet!" several voices yelled.

"Fine, fine, Sokka and _Suki_. Happy? Other than that, no teams, free-for-all, same rules as last night."

"Um," Aang began, raising a hand, "What were those rules?"

"You know how to play Kyoshi Hold 'Em?" Jet asked, lounging in his seat and shuffling the cards. Mai and Toph nodded. Aang rubbed the back of his neck.

"Kind of? I mean, I've heard of it..."

"You'll be fine," Jet said, brushing him off. "So, here's the deal. You gamble with whatever you've got on-hand. Spare change, clothes, sexual favors - "

"_Jet_," Zuko hissed dangerously, but was ignored.

"- And you pay up if you lose a hand, to whoever wins. You can get out of betting by folding before betting begins. That means you give up that hand and bow out. Also, if you lose, you take a shot of... whatever we're playing with at the moment. We're starting with, ah," he cast around the table and landed on the Olde Omashu Meade, "this stuff. I don't know what it is, but it looks innocent enough."

"It's honey wine," Suki supplied, "and it's... relatively non-alcoholic."

"Really?" Jet asked, in a tone of great disappointment. "How non-alcoholic are we talking?"

"I don't know, but compared to everything else on this table..."

"Fair enough," Jet said, shrugging, and continued shuffling. "You also take a shot if you fold after the flop. That's about it for the rules. You got that, newbies? Oh, and who takes the shot for the teams?"

"I think they should switch out," Ty Lee suggested, "You know, first loss, Toph takes a shot, second loss, Aang..."

"I'm not drinking," Aang insisted.

"Come on..." Ty Lee whined, "You can't play and not drink."

Aang shook his head firmly, "I am not drinking."

"It's okay, Stretch," Toph said, "I'll do all the drinking in this team. Besides, we're not gonna lose enough to get drunk, right Twinkletoes?"

"Right," he said, sounding much less sure about it than Toph was.

"And I have no plans of going through another hangover like this morning," Suki said, "so I won't drink either. I'm just going to be Sokka's adviser."

"You can't do that!" Jet yelled angrily.

"Stop me. I _dare_ you," Suki replied.

"You know," Sokka said, looking between his girlfriend and Jet, "it seems like there's some bad blood between the two of you. You should work this out."

A flash of sheer horror crossed over Jet's face, and he quickly turned back to dealing the cards. "Nah, it's fine. Just... do whatever you want to do," he growled. "So," he said sourly, "anyone going to be cowardly and fold on this first hand?"

"I am," Mai said quietly, laying her cards face-down on the table. "And I am not a coward to do so."

"Sure you aren't," Jet sneered. Alcohol seemed to mellow Mai out even more than usual, and she merely shrugged at Jet's attitude. Zuko sent up a silent prayer of thanks to whatever spirit had deigned to watch over him today.

Aang leaned against Toph's chair and peered at the cards, but Toph didn't much need his help. It turned out that the drawings on the cards were slightly raised from the paper, allowing Toph to get a pretty good handle on what she had in her hand. "What are the community cards?" she whispered to Aang, who leaned up to see and told her.

"A three of spades, Jack of diamonds, and four of hearts."

She wrinkled her nose, but threw in a bet anyway. "All right. I'm betting my sash and Aang's belt."

"Wait!" Aang yelped, but the rest of the table went on without him.

"Gotta have something at stake, Twinkletoes," Toph said with a smirk.

"I'm throwing in Katara's earrings from last night," Ty Lee said, pulling them out of her pocket.

Suki leaned down and whispered something in Sokka's ear. "Are you sure?" he replied, and she nodded. "All right, then. I'm betting, uh, the shirt I'm wearing, which I'm told is Zuko's. Zuko, can I barter with your shirt?"

He waved a hand, "Yeah, sure. I'll bet my jacket."

"My left shoe," Katara said absently, looking again at the cards. Jet raised an eyebrow.

"And I'll throw in my shirt," he said, and then dealt another two cards to the middle of the table. "Any changes to the bets?" Everyone shook their heads, but Toph smacked Aang on the arm and gestured to the cards.

"Oh, sorry," he said, "um, seven of diamonds and two of spades."

"Okay, then," Toph said, and poked Aang again, "I'll add his shirt to my bet," she said, grinning. Aang whimpered.

* * *

Toph, it turned out, was a better gambler than Aang gave her credit for. Before long, she had amassed a pile of clothes to rival Ty Lee's from the night before, and had even managed to save Aang from utter humiliation after a particularly hairy round which had ended with a massive argument over whether a straight was higher than a flush, and if that meant that Zuko had to lose his pants or Aang did (Toph won and, although he insisted that a straight beat a flush, Zuko had lost his pants).

Then Jet had won Zuko's pants and was betting both them and his own, and Zuko was determined to win.

Unfortunately, he had a nasty hand - a two of clubs and a Jack of diamonds - and the community cards were giving him nothing good enough to win with. Katara leaned over surreptitiously and inspected his hand, then whispered, "I've got a Queen of diamonds." He started and then looked at her oddly, folding his hand over to hide it from her.

"So?"

"So? Look at the community pile! There's an ten, an Ace, and a King of diamonds! If you give me your Jack, I've got a royal flush!"

"Or if you give me your Queen, _I_ get a royal flush," he hissed, catching on. "And I can put my pants back on."

"Let me win this one! If I lose, I won't have anything left to bet but my bindings!"

"My. Pants." Zuko insisted.

"Here, you give me your Jack, I'll bet your pants next round." Katara gave him a wide-eyed, hopeful look. He glanced at Jet, who was grinning arrogantly - clearly, he thought he had this round in the bag - and watched as Jet's eyes landed on Katara's mostly-exposed chest with an almost predatory glint in his eyes. Zuko glared.

"Deal," he muttered, and 'accidentally' dropped his cards. "Damn!" he said loudly.

"I've got it!" Katara said, slipping one of her cards into her hand as she leaned down and deftly switched the cards, handing Zuko a seven of spades and taking his Jack. Jet peered at her suspiciously.

"...Are you cheating?" he asked, leaning forward. "Because you know the penalty for cheating is that you have to get totally naked."

Katara froze. Zuko, however, snorted. "Yeah, right. Like _Katara_ would cheat," he said sardonically.

"Yeah, Sugarqueen's such a goody-goody," Toph said airily, from the seat beside Katara. "The day she cheats at poker will be the day I suddenly regain my sight."

Aang looked at Katara strangely, "I don't - " he was suddenly cut off by Toph's foot slamming down on his own. "Never mind," he conceded, and then leaned down to whisper to Toph, "Why are we covering for her?"

"So she'll owe me a favor," she replied easily, barely moving her lips. Aang blinked, suddenly feeling very out of his depth.

"All right, all right," Jet said, apparently assured. "Any last bets or folds?"

"I'm folding," Zuko said, and downed his shot. Ty Lee and Toph had already folded, Mai laid down a three-of-a-kind, and Sokka winced as he showed a two-pair hand. Jet grinned as he laid down his cards with a flourish.

"Full House," he crowed. "Lose the skirt, Katara."

Katara smirked, and set her cards down. "Royal flush," she said easily. "Lose the pants, _Jet_." Jet gaped.

"No way. You cheated!"

"She did not cheat," Toph insisted.

"How do you know?"

"Because I can tell if people are lying," she said proudly, gleefully lying through her teeth because Jet was the only one here who didn't know better. Jet, however, didn't look convinced, so Aang stepped in.

"I was watching her the whole time," he said. "She didn't cheat."

"All right..." Jet conceded slowly, standing up and removing his pants, "but I've got my eye on you."

As he dealt the next hand, Toph leaned over slightly and whispered, "You owe me one, Sugarqueen. You too, Sparky. You owe Aang as well." Both Zuko and Katara gave her sheepish looks, like children who had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

"Thanks, Toph. You too, Aang." Katara muttered, pulling the pile of clothes off the table. Zuko eyed his pants eagerly.

He made a small sound in the back of his throat. "Just don't do it again. You shouldn't cheat," he whispered.

"It won't happen again," she insisted. _At least not unless I lose my skirt_, she thought. But that was okay. Aang would agree with cheating, as long as it was to avoid something even worse, which was having to remove her bindings in front of this group. She shuddered at what Jet (and Ty Lee, come to think of it...) might do if she ended up completely topless.

Maybe Zuko would be gallant and offer her something from his pile of clothes to wear. But then, he wasn't doing nearly as well tonight as he had been last night, and his pile of clothes was much, much smaller. Still, though, she doubted he would be cruel enough - or crass enough - to leave her completely exposed in front of Jet. And if not Zuko, then surely Sokka would save her.

Then again, she had let Sokka lose everything he had, including his hair, last night. So maybe it wasn't such a good idea to bank on Sokka helping her.

Zuko, though. Zuko was on her side.

She hoped.

* * *

A/N: Before anyone tells me I'm wrong, I did look up Akavit, and no, it's not nearly as strong as I have it here. That's pure Rule of Funny, like everything else in this fic. Just run with it.


	8. her crisis beats your crisis

**kyoshi hold 'em**  
part eight: her crisis beats your crisis

Zuko was torn.

It was far too risky to attempt cheating again, because Jet was now watching him and Katara too closely to think that they might not get caught. And he had just won his pants back, much to the dismay of Ty Lee, and he was very opposed to parting with them again.

On the other hand, Katara was down to only two more articles of clothing, and - as appealing as the thought of a half-naked Katara was - he couldn't sit by and let her embarrass herself so fully, especially in front of Jet and Ty Lee.

But if he traded his Ace to her, _he _would lose this hand, which meant giving up his pants. Again.

"Dammit, Katara, you have _got _to learn how to gamble!"

"Please, Zuko!"

"There is no way we'll get away with it."

"What am I supposed to do?"

Zuko growled. "You should have thought about that before you bet your chest bindings!"

"Zuko, I am _begging you_. I can't take off my bindings in front of Jet! Just think - ! I won't ever be able to face him." She turned the full force of her Patented Feminine Begging Eyes on him. She even started to tear up. He refused to look at her, knowing he would crumble if he did.

"Look, if you lose this hand, I'll... here," he pulled Ty Lee's shirt out of his pile, "give you this so you're not exposed. Okay?"

"You know Jet won't allow that."

"What are you two discussing so avidly?" Jet asked suddenly, leaning over the table. Katara froze. Zuko groaned.

"We're discussing how we're going to stage a coup, take over this game, and reinstate me as the dealer," he replied sardonically, and then kicked Katara in the leg and whispered out of the side of his mouth, "Just _fold._"

She yelped, and turned over her hand. "And I'm folding," she said automatically. Zuko smacked his forehead with his palm, so she continued in the same stilted tone, "After I help him depose you, of course."

"You were cheating again, weren't you?"

"No," Zuko replied, horror creeping up his spine at the look of satisfaction on Jet's face.

"You were!" Ty Lee cut in eagerly. "You know what that means..."

"We weren't cheating!" Katara cried desperately.

"I think you were cheating," Sokka said, clearly hoping for some revenge. Suki smacked him on the back of the head.

"You _want _your sister to get naked?"

"She did it to me last night!"

Aang looked over at Katara, facing the same conundrum Zuko had been facing earlier. "Come on, you can't make her take off her clothes if she doesn't want to."

"There's no fun in a strip game if you remove the "strip" from the equation," Jet said, as though explaining it to someone stupid.

"There's also no fun in getting your nads frozen off by a pissed off waterbender," Toph countered sagely. The entire room paused to contemplate this while Katara grinned smugly. Jet opened and closed his mouth several times, before finally scowling.

"Okay, fine. Katara doesn't have to get naked if she doesn't want to. Zuko, on the other hand..."

"I was _not _cheating!" he shouted.

"Come on, Zuko, don't be such a sore loser," Jet drawled, smirking. Zuko turned to Katara.

"This is your fault," he hissed. "I am not a sore loser, and I am not stripping just because you're paranoid!"

"One of you has to strip," Jet said, crossing his arms. "As penalty for cheating."

"Or what?" Zuko snarled.

"Or you leave the game, and I keep your clothes. Including the ones you're wearing now."

Ty Lee was now standing and watching with an expression of joy on her face. Mai groaned and buried her face in her hands, and happened to notice something sitting beside Ty Lee's chair. A bottle of pale green liquid... She picked it up and, in the fuss going on around the table, went unnoticed as she opened it, sniffed the contents, and took a deep swig.

"Katara..." Zuko growled.

"I'm sorry, okay! I'll make it up to you!"

"_How?_"

"I don't know! I'll... I'll do anything! Whatever you want!"

Zuko, blushing brilliantly red and glaring fiercely at Katara, stripped.

* * *

"This..." Zuko said, glaring, "is all your fault."

Katara made a face. "Look, at least I won you back your pants."

"Sokka's pants."

"Okay, well," she rubbed the back of her neck, "they technically belong to you. So, there's that."

He continued to glare. Around them, the group was dissolving - Aang had finally had enough after Toph bet (and lost) his underwear (he did not follow Zuko's example and strip, however, instead preferring to loudly denounce the entire game and stalk out of the room), Jet was glaring at Ty Lee's pile of clothes and the position of his pants in said pile, Ty Lee herself was struggling with Mai and trying to wrench a half-empty bottle of pale green liquid from Mai's extremely drunken clutches, Suki was limping Sokka back to her room, and Toph was sitting on top of a pile of clothing and smirking brilliantly. "I," Zuko declared, blinking hard, "am drunk. And I am going to sleep."

"I'll help," Katara said, leaping up, desperate to repay him for earlier. He gave her a look, which she ignored, instead opting to pull one of his arms over her shoulder to make sure he didn't have any trouble walking (he didn't, but he also didn't seem to care very much). "I'm kinda tipsy myself," she added, as an excuse for her actions. No one at the table noticed.

"What was Ty Lee's magic hangover cure?" Zuko mused, halfway down the hallway and looking around absently as though it was going to float by.

"She drank lots of water," Katara muttered, vaguely aware that Zuko was leaning heavier and heavier onto her side, but not really comprehending what that might mean.

"Water," Zuko repeated, and then abruptly pushed off of her and wandered in a different direction. "I'm gonna get water."

Katara rushed over and grasped his arm, guiding him back toward his room. "No, Zuko, you need to go to bed. I think you're about to pass out."

"I don't pass out," he replied coolly, which she knew to be a bald-faced lie. "And I need water. Stop it." He wavered dangerously, and blinked again. "Never mind," he muttered, "don't stop." She nodded, and began to lead him back in the correct direction.

"C'mon Zuko, let's get you safely to bed. I'll leave lots of water at your bedside for the morning, okay?"

"Won't be much good then," he said, but didn't fight her anymore.

"Okay, I'll make sure that Iroh makes that hangover tea from this morning." She paused; had that really only been this morning?

"You'd better," he mumbled, and Katara had to marvel at his relative lucidity. He had drunk enough alcohol to kill a rampaging komodo rhino, but he was still making sense and barely even slurring. If she didn't know any better, she would say that he wasn't any more drunk than she was.

Unfortunately, she did know better.

Also unfortunately, he was still shirtless. And leaning heavily against her. And his arm was still around her shoulders, and she was holding onto his wrist and maybe he was shifting his hand so that he was holding hers and she couldn't think straight - And then they reached his room, and her heart was hammering.

"Here we are!" she cried, too quickly. He mumbled a vague "mm-hmm" and made no move to open the door, so she kicked it open with her foot and guided him in. "Okay, Zuko, here's your bed." He slumped down onto the bed in a sitting position and looked at her oddly.

"You look really pretty," he said quietly, and made a vague hand motion. "All... sparkly," he continued. She laughed nervously.

"Probably the light..." she replied, trying to laugh it off and not burst into hormonal flames.

"Mmm," he responded, and then she made a huge mistake: she met his eyes.

They were hazy from drunkeness, but extremely intense. He stared back, searching her face for something, but she was already gone. Without stopping to think - or stop herself because _this is Zuko and he's drunk and oh no_ - she leaned forward and kissed him. He opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, her heart was pounding in her chest, and she ran a hand through his hair -

And then he passed out.

* * *

Suki was beginning to get tired of this let's-keep-Sokka-out-of-his-room game that Jet was playing. It was all very noble and sweet that he was trying to give his crew a place to sleep, but she had it on very good authority that Smellerbee and the Duke had moved to Katara's room (because of something Master Pakku had said? She wasn't sure), and Longshot was quite capable of finding someplace to sleep on his own. Besides, as nice as it was to have an excuse to share a room with Sokka, the fact that all of his clothes were divided between his friends meant that it was up to her - as the loving girlfriend - to find clothing for him.

Which led her here.

"Jet?" she called, knocking hard on the door, silently praying that he was asleep. There was a yelp, and then a copious amount of shuffling. "Can... Can I come in and get clothes for Sokka?" she asked uncertainly.

"Uh, hang on!" he shouted. Suki pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration, and tried to ignore the creeping realization that there were only a handful of reasons Jet would be sounding so harried at this hour. "Yeah, come in."

She opened the door, stepping over a pile of knives and unfamiliar clothing. Jet was sitting upright on the bed, clutching the blanket around his waist, eyes wide and breathing hard. "Did I interrupt something?"

"No, why?" he replied, too quickly. Suki nodded slowly.

"Right. I'm just getting some clothes for Sokka."

"Yeah, check the wardrobe," Jet said vaguely, and then suddenly began to panic, "Wait, no, don't - !" But it was too late. Jet groaned as Suki opened the wardrobe, and found herself looking down at a barely-clad Mai, whose normally immaculate appearance was completely mussed, her hands (still gloved, although the black fingernail polish was chipped) covering her face and knees drawn up to her chest. She appeared to be wearing Jet's shirt, and nothing else.

Suki stared. Mai peeked out from behind her fingers.

"If you'll look over there by the door, I've got some knives," she said in near-whisper. "If you could just get me one..."

Suki continued to stare. And then she turned to Jet. And then back to Mai. And then back to Jet. She opened and closed her mouth several times before finally landing on something coherent to say. "On Sokka's bed?"

Mai winced, and crawled out of the wardrobe, apparently intent on getting one of her knives and ending this situation in the quickest way possible (although whether her plan was to kill herself or Suki and Jet, Suki didn't think she'd ever know). Suki stopped her, however, by throwing out a foot. Mai fell back against the door to the wardrobe and refused to look any higher than floor-level.

"On. Sokka's. Bed." Suki repeated.

Jet made a face. "Look, I was drunk, she was drunk. It's a miracle we even made it to the bed."

"Get out," Suki said, stepping back and pointing to the door.

"Hey," Jet protested, "I'm naked!"

"I don't care!" she shouted, "Get out of here!"

Jet leaped out of the bed and tried to wrap the blanket around himself, but Suki grabbed the other end of it obstinately, so he finally - face crimson either from embarrassment or anger - snatched up a pair of pants (that appeared to be Mai's) and pulled them on hastily, before following Mai out of the room. They had only been gone for a few seconds when Suki realized her error and opened the door again.

"Wait!"

"What?" Jet snapped. Mai crossed her arms and leaned against the opposite wall.

"You need to clean up in here!"

"No," Mai said firmly.

"I'm with Gloomy over here," Jet drawled, mimicking her pose (and ignoring her glare). "You kicked us out."

"Well, now I'm _un_-kicking you out. Get in here and clean up the mess you made."

"Which is it? Are we kicked out or not?"

"You're not kicked out at the moment but will be once you're done in here."

"Not much incentive to clean up the room then, huh?"

Suki shot Jet a glare that could freeze the Fire Nation. "Clean up this mess. Or I'll tell Sokka what you did yesterday."

Jet leaned forward slightly, trying to call her bluff. "I'm not afraid of Sokka."

She laughed outright at this. "You know he's a better fighter than you now. He could kill you with one hand. And will, if he finds out."

"Wait," Mai said, looking from Suki to Jet, "What did Jet do yesterday that he doesn't want Sokka to know about?"

"Nothing," Jet replied tersely, and, glowering at Suki, returned to Sokka's room to clean up.

"You gonna help him?" Suki asked, gesturing at Mai.

"Why should I? He's the one who made the mess."

"You, ah, _helped_." Suki crossed her arms, trying firmly to avoid thinking about what that entailed. The full realization of what she had stumbled upon was finally sinking in. Maybe Katara could do something with her healing water and scrub the memory from her brain...

Mai colored slightly. "I was drunk. And... you have no proof that I actually did anything with him."

Suki raised an eyebrow. Mai tilted her chin forward, as though daring Suki to disagree.

"I have some memories that prove _exactly _what you did last night," Jet called from inside the room. Mai and Suki both winced. Annoyed and disgusted as she was, Suki couldn't help but feel sympathetic toward Mai. Waking up next to Jet wasn't _quite_ the worst thing that could happen - she could have woken up next to, say, Kuei - but it was close.

And the poor girl hadn't even had the luck to escape before he woke up. At least some of Suki's more damning mistakes had been easy enough to run from and feign ignorance about.

"You know what? Mai, it's all right. You don't have to help him clean up."

"Hey!"

"Thank you, Suki," Mai said in a low voice, turning her head so that her hair covered her eyes. "Can I just..." she made a gesture to indicate a rapid escape from the situation. Suki was about to agree, when Jet popped his head out the door, arms full of sheets.

"No, you can't," he hissed, glaring. "I need help with laundry, and considering half of whatever's on these sheets is _yours_..."

"You're lucky all of my knives are in there," she growled. Jet made a face.

"Oh, no, poor Mai is helpless," he said in an over-dramatic voice, and then thrust the sheets into Mai's arms, "Make yourself useful and clean these. I'll tidy up the room. Deal?"

"No. You do the laundry, I'll do the room."

"And give you uninhibited access to your knives? Hell no. Besides, you've already got the sheets." He stuck his tongue out at Mai and placed his hands on his hips. She made an obscene hand gesture at him.

"I already did that," he replied testily.

She then gave up all pretext of peace, dropped the sheets, and, letting out a howl of both embarrassment and fury, kicked Jet directly in the balls.

"You earned that," Suki said.

* * *

"Toph?" Katara mused, and then shook her head, continuing to pace. "No, definitely not. Ty Lee? Ha, no. Mai - yeah, right? Oh!" she pumped her fist in the air, finally hitting upon who she wanted, "Suki! Suki will help!" In a rush, narrowly managing to avoid tripping over her two squatters (the Duke and Smellerbee, both glaring at her and grumbling about not wanting to get up), she burst out of her door and fled for Suki's room, but caught herself just in time, remembering that her brother was also sleeping there and Sokka was the absolute last person who should know this.

She cried out as she came to an abrupt stop mid-stride, and then groaned, wondering what she was supposed to do _now._ And then salvation came, in the form of Suki's door suddenly opening, and her brother being shoved out of it by an unknown force. He appeared to be half asleep as he stumbled down the hallway.

"Sokka?"

He mumbled something that might have been a hello, or possibly a violent curseword.

"What's going on? Why did you get kicked out of Suki's room?"

He shrugged noncommittally and shuffled past her. Katara paused for a single moment, contemplating what this might mean, and then shook her head and decided to just run with it. After last night, she didn't have an overabundance of options. She burst through Suki's door and cried, in one breath, "_SukiIkissedZuko!_"

And then she noticed the half-dressed Mai in the middle of the room. Beside her, a pair of pants in her outstretched hand, Suki stared.

"So? Mai slept with Jet. I think her crisis beats your crisis."

"Suki!" Mai hissed, turning red, but Suki shrugged.

"I have not been up long enough to deal with this drama," she said in a deadpan voice. "Let me get some coffee or really strong tea into my system, and I'll be able to help the two of you panic, okay?" She shook her head and threw the pants at Mai, then stalked out of the room.

Katara, meanwhile, was flabbergasted. "You slept with Jet?" she said, gaping. Mai made a face.

"And you kissed Zuko. Shut up or I'll tell Ty Lee and then everyone will know."

"You wouldn't."

"Oh?"

"No, because then I'd tell Ty Lee that you slept with Jet." She crossed her arms over her chest, desperate to win this competition. Mai glared, Katara glared, and the silence stretched between them.

"So," Mai said, drawing the syllable out. "You kissed Zuko. Was it everything you expected?" she asked sardonically, possibly jealous or possibly looking to embarrass someone else as ferociously as she had been embarrassed.

In truth, the answer was no - she had been tipsy, he had been drunk, and he had passed out before the kiss could get anywhere - but she would be damned if she was going to tell _Mai _that. "Yes, it was, in fact," she replied, tilting her chin up. "It was amazing. The best kiss in the entire world. Fireworks went off."

Mai snorted. "Fireworks? I don't remember any of those."

"Well, they were there. You just... missed them."

Mai raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. In spite of herself, Katara was starting to find the situation funny herself. "So, let me get this straight," she drawled, crossing her arms and shifting her weight, "you kissed Zuko, and a bunch of magical invisible fireworks suddenly went off?"

"Yes. They were very pretty. You should have seen them."

"Right."

There was a pause. Finally, Katara caved. "Okay, he passed out before anything could happen, but I was the one who kissed him, and now he's gonna wake up and..."

Mai rolled her eyes and began tugging Suki's pants on, "Look, Zuko respects confidence. You kissed him. Own it."

Katara tilted her head. "What?"

Mai heaved a sigh, as though this was a massive effort on her part, "Own. It. Don't make any apologies for doing so. You wanted to kiss him, right?" She didn't wait for an answer, probably expecting that Katara would reply with a meek denial, and simply plunged ahead. "So just tell him that. If I know Zuko - and I _do_ - he's probably been waiting for you to do that. Don't screw things up by freaking out and acting like it was an accident or a mistake."

Katara nodded slowly. It made sense, and if anyone could coach her on dealing with Zuko in a more-than-friends capacity, it was certainly Mai. She felt like she should probably return the favor. "Right. And, um, Jet..." Mai winced. "Look, he's not one of those people you can just ignore and he'll go away. Kick him in the balls if you have to. Make it clear that it was a mistake, and you don't want to repeat it."

Mai smirked. "I already did that, actually."

"You kicked him in the balls?"

She nodded. "He deserved it."

"Then your problem is pretty much dealt with," Katara said, shrugging. "Boys don't much like girls who kick them in sensitive places."

Mai, against everything that Katara knew about her, burst out laughing.


	9. a pot of porridge

**kyoshi hold 'em**  
part nine: a pot of porridge

"What is that smell?"

Katara yelped. Of all the people to wander into the kitchen while she was making porridge... "It's porridge, Zuko," she replied, stirring frantically and trying to contain her nerves.

"Why are you making porridge?"

The truth was that she was making it because she didn't know what else to do as the blizzard wasn't letting up, and her only options were to sit around and chat with Mai about Jet and Zuko (unappealing for several reasons), go back to her room with the Duke and Smellerbee (even less appealing), or wander around aimlessly like Sokka. And since it was roughly breakfast time - or, well, okay, it was actually more like two in the afternoon, but who was counting? - she had decided that everyone could do with some porridge. The only problem was that she, along with just about everyone she had ever spoken to, _despised _porridge.

"Because it's breakfast time, obviously," she said, trying her damnedest to make it sound flippant and uncaring. Zuko didn't seem to notice her anxiety, and came over and leaned against the counter beside her, still shirtless.

"I though you hated porridge," he said, leaning over the pot and wrinkling his nose. "I seem to remember you saying that it was the most awful thing you've ever tasted in your entire life..."

She flipped her hair airily, "That was only _your _porridge," she proclaimed. "When I make porridge, it's delicious."

He didn't rise to the bait, instead giving her an odd look. "Uh-huh. Because there are so many ways to make porridge."

"There are."

"Right." He peered into her face curiously. "What are you so nervous about?"

The fact that he was approximately four inches from her face, shirtless, and slightly sweaty apparently didn't occur to him as a possibility. She glared into the porridge and stirred faster. "I'm not nervous about anything."

"Yes, you are. You're all jittery and flushed. And cooking like a maniac, which you only do when you're nervous."

"Because you know _so_ much about my cooking habits. And I'm not cooking like a maniac!" she cried, but her statement was somewhat lacking in effectiveness, as it was punctuated by vigorously-stirred porridge being flung out of the pot and splattering against the wall. They both stared at it for a long moment.

"Yeah," he said finally. "So what did _you _do last night that's got you all hot and bothered?"

Of course. Of course it would be her luck that he wouldn't remember. She should have expected this. After all, he hadn't remembered why she was in his bed yesterday morning, and he had only been hungover for that. Of course he didn't remember that she kissed him.

...Now what?

"I didn't do anything last night, thank-you-very-much," she said primly, tossing her hair again for effect. It smacked him in the face, and he glared as she tried not to snicker.

"You're a terrible liar, you know that?"

It was her turn to glare, and she decided not to answer that question, because he was _wrong _and she was a perfectly _good _liar, when the situation called for it. He continued to stare, watching her carefully, and leaning forward ever-so-slightly.

"Come on, Katara," he said lightly, "you can tell me."

Her mind clicked into full-on panic mode at both the slightly jealous tone in his voice and the closeness of his face and the heat from the fire (which was, of course, why she was turning blood-red. Yes.) What to do? What to say? She couldn't just say, _oh I tried to make out with you while you were plastered but then you passed out so yeah it's kind of awkward_. Or, well, she _could_, but she had this strange thing where she actually liked her dignity being somewhat intact.

She could lie, but apparently he could see through her lies, and he wasn't going to listen to her repeated insistence that she didn't do anything last night - and then he might ask someone else, like Suki or Mai, and that would probably be the end of her life. Instead, she focused on the now-overdone porridge, and pulled it off the fire, trying to look anywhere but at the barely-clad firebender directly in front of her. He, however, was having none of that.

"Wow, it must have been bad," he said, grabbing a towel and then the other end of the pot, forcing her to stay in place. "Who'd you sleep with?"

Now he was definitely looking annoyed, although it could have been caused by the tug-of-porridge-war going on. "I didn't sleep with anyone!"

All of a sudden, Sokka wandered into the kitchen and held up both hands in supplication. "I do not want to know anything about this conversation," he croaked. "I just want water. Please don't tell me anything about this conversation."

Katara growled in frustration, but Zuko ignored Sokka's rambling. "Come _on_, Katara, you can tell me. Who was it? Jet?"

Sokka let out a yelp, followed by a horrified whimper. Katara glared. "No, I did not sleep with Jet."

"I don't believe you," Zuko said, glaring at her.

"I didn't! I couldn't have!" She cast around for an out, but found none, so she decided that, sisterhood be damned, she _had_ to get out of this situation. "Because Mai did that!"

There was the sound of breaking glass as Sokka dropped the glass of water he had been holding. "Mai slept with Jet?" he asked, incredulous.

Zuko gaped. "No... She didn't..."

"She did! On Sokka's bed, in fact!" Sokka let out a cry. "Suki walked in on it!" Okay, so it wasn't precisely true, but close enough. Zuko stared at her blankly for a long moment, and then nodded.

"Wow, that's... Horrifying, actually," he said slowly, his grip on the pot slackening. Katara, who had gotten used to sharing the weight between two people, tipped forward slightly and almost fell over, causing Zuko to remember the porridge and, unfortunately, why he was holding it. "Okay, so you didn't sleep with Jet. Who did you sleep with, then? Aang?"

Behind them, ignored, Sokka grumbled darkly as he picked up the shards of broken glass.

"No! I didn't! Aang is like my little brother, how could you - !" She tugged ineffectively at the pot of porridge.

"Who, then? Kuei?" She let out a shriek of indignation, and an odd look suddenly came over Zuko's face. "Ty Lee?"

There was a moment of silence, and Katara narrowed her eyes. "Yes," she replied sarcastically, "Yes, I had sex with Ty Lee. Amazing, acrobatic sex involving... involving lots of pink outfits and roleplay and - and - and chi techniques!" she finished, somewhat lamely. Zuko blinked at her. Sokka stood up and walked over, towering over his sister.

"What did you just say?" he asked dangerously.

"It was _sarcasm_, Sokka!" she cried. "Of _course_ I didn't sleep with Ty Lee! I didn't sleep with _anyone!_ Now _give me the porridge!_" she shrieked at Zuko, who finally let go of it and raised his hands in surrender.

"Fine," he said sourly, "don't tell me." He turned and walked out of the room, leaving Katara with a pot-full of porridge and her brother's deeply suspicious glaring.

"Oh, shut up," she snapped at Sokka, "go yell at Jet for having sex in your bed."

The reminder worked, and Sokka suddenly leaped up, shouting obscenities as he ran out of the room to find Jet, leaving Katara with a pot-full of porridge. She stared at it, groaned, and wished that she could just rewind and start this morning over with. Or, better yet, go back in time to last night and smack herself over the head for getting roped into another card game. She glared into the porridge for a long moment before setting it on the counter and stalking out of the room, thinking that maybe she should warn Mai that her secret was out, or maybe she should go talk to Suki.

Instead, she found herself back in her room, tripping over the Duke and Smellerbee, and falling face-down on her bed with a sigh and a groan.

Well, _great_.

* * *

"Who made porridge?" Jet asked, stumbling into the kitchen and peering into the pot that was sitting innocently on the counter. He swiped a finger in it and tasted it, making a face. "Really bad porridge, at that," he muttered, glancing behind him to Longshot, who he had roped into helping him clean and then into helping him avoid Sokka's wrath. Behind Longshot was Ty Lee, who was giving the archer odd looks and laughing at everything he said (which, admittedly, wasn't much, but also wasn't generally funny).

"I love porridge," she trilled, dancing over and pulling a spoon out of nowhere, digging in deep and taking a huge bite. She made a face. "It, um, needs something."

Jet snorted. "Yeah, it needs to not be porridge anymore."

The acrobat took the pot and set it over the fire, opening a cabinet and pulling out all sorts of little bowls and a canisters. "Ooh, cinnamon! And brown sugar! And some nutmeg, and honey, and - what is this?" she peered at a canister of long, thin brown pods and sniffed at it. "Vanilla? Jet, tell me if this is vanilla."

He leaned over the counter and sniffed the pods, wrinkling his nose. "Yeah, that's vanilla. Have fun using it."

"You can help me," she said brightly, pulling down a mortar and pestle. "Here, just crush a pod or seven. I _love _vanilla."

"It's a pretty strong flavoring, Ty Lee," Jet said uncertainly, taking the supplies from her. "You'll probably only need a half a pod."

"But vanilla is _so _good," she whined.

"You're already adding a bunch of other flavors," he pointed out, and she finally caved.

"Okay, fine, half a pod," she conceded, and began humming to herself while she stirred the porridge. "I thought everyone else hated porridge," she said suddenly, as though they had been having a conversation about it. "But apparently not!"

"Right," Jet said absently, crushing the vanilla and pretending it was Suki's face. As though reading his mind, Ty Lee continued.

"I wonder what Suki was so mad about this morning. I mean, we didn't win that much from Sokka last night, did we?"

Jet coughed. "I don't know," he replied evasively. Ty Lee caught on.

"Oh, really?" she said, clearly interested, and leaned on the counter, grinning. "Longshot, do you believe him? 'Cause I don't." Longshot made a noncommittal noise, which Ty Lee took as agreement. "That's what I thought. So, _Jet_, why was Suki so mad this morning?"

"I'll tell you why," Sokka yelled, bursting through the kitchen furiously. Jet abruptly stopped crushing the vanilla and bolted for the exit, counting on Longshot and Ty Lee to distract Sokka for long enough to escape. Unfortunately, he misjudged Ty Lee.

"Oh, no," she said, taking the vanilla, her shoulders dropping, "Sokka found out that you kissed Suki yesterday?"

Everything stopped. Sokka froze mid-rant, Jet froze mid-leap, and Longshot shuffled surreptitiously out of the way.

"He did what?" Sokka asked dangerously. Ty Lee blinked.

"Um, apparently not," she replied sheepishly, as Jet glared furiously at her. "Just... carry on," she said, laughing nervously, and then turned back to the porridge and began stirring hastily.

"Jet..." Sokka began, but Jet had already escaped.

"So..." Ty Lee said, wielding the spoon as a sword to protect her from Sokka. "What _were_ you gonna say?"

Sokka howled in frustration. "That little - " here he cursed so violently that she stepped back in fear, "had _sex_ with Mai in _my bed! And he kissed my girlfriend!_"

Ty Lee's jaw dropped. "Wait," she whispered, "Mai slept with Jet? And she didn't _tell me?_" she shrieked, and then, apparently forgetting about the porridge entirely, she ran from the room to find and interrogate her best friend. Sokka followed close behind, shouting angrily for Jet to stop hiding and face him like a man.

Longshot looked at the porridge and sighed.

* * *

Toph wandered into the kitchen, hair and clothing askew, and sniffed at the air. "Who made porridge?"

Aang was sitting on the counter, eating a bowl. He shrugged. "I don't know, but it's really good. It's all sweet and thick and creamy. I've never had porridge this good."

"Give me a bowl," Toph said, hopping up onto the counter beside him. Aang complied, ladling out a generous portion of the breakfast to her.

"So, do _you _know what all the screaming was about earlier?" he asked, licking his spoon. Mmm, vanilla. Toph shook her head.

"Nope. But whatever it is, Sokka's really mad. This is really good porridge," she mumbled around a spoonful of it.

"Hmm," Aang muttered, "Jet apparently did something to tick him off." Toph shrugged.

"Probably," she agreed. "Also, Zuko seemed to be in a bad mood when I passed him in the hallway. You know what that's about?"

Aang shrugged. "Who knows? It's Zuko, he'll get mad about anything. I don't think we should play Kyoshi Hold 'Em anymore. It seems like it just makes drama."

"See," Toph countered, gesturing with her spoon, "that's exactly why I think we _should_ keep playing. All this drama is _hilarious_."

"You only say that 'cause you're not involved," Aang told her, glowering into his bowl and considering a second helping. Deciding that it was most certainly worth it, he began ladling himself another. "If you were involved, you'd be screaming and ranting just like Sokka, and you wouldn't find it funny."

"Please," she said, snorting, "since when have I ever cared about drama? I think I would find it funny even if I was somehow involved."

Aang glanced at her. "True," he said, "but still. Sokka scared the life out of Momo when he chased Jet through the barn. It took me forever to get him to come down from the rafters, and I don't even know what Sokka was so mad about."

"Sokka's chasing Jet around?"

Aang nodded. "Oh, yeah. And screaming, too. I don't know, something about Jet being a diseased prostitute who does dirty things to tigerseals. I wasn't really paying attention. I was trying to control the chaos."

Toph laughed out loud. "A diseased prostitute who does dirty things to tigerseals? Oh, _man!_ I've gotta remember that one!" In spite of himself, Aang laughed with her. It _was_ pretty funny, even if it was an insult. "I wish I did know what was going on. I bet it's priceless," she howled joyfully, and dug into her porridge with gusto. "Diseased prostitute," she muttered, still snickering.

"But still," he said, controlling his laughter, "it's getting pretty bad."

"Maybe you should do your Avatar duty and go fix the problems," Toph said, a teasing note in her voice. "Here, gimme another bowl."

He took the bowl from her and thought for a moment, "Yeah, I probably should," he said, but made no move to get up and actually do so, "but this is more fun."

"Sitting around the kitchen eating porridge with me is more fun than Avatar-ing Sokka and Jet all over the place?"

Aang snorted, and ladled Toph another bowl of porridge. "Not when you put it like that. But it really wouldn't be fun. They'd just keep yelling and try to get me to take sides and I'd have to, I don't know, ice them down or something. This is much better."

"You could just smack them both upside the head."

She couldn't see it, but he stuck his tongue out at her. "That's _your _way of solving problems, Sifu T, not mine. I'd have to be all mature and... mature," he finished lamely, unable to come up with another thing he would have to be. Toph snickered.

"Yeah, yeah," she elbowed him in the ribs, and mimed in a high-pitched voice, "Look at me, I'm Avatar Twinkletoes and I can't just smack idiots around 'cause I've gotta be a big, strong _man_ about it."

Aang couldn't help it. He dissolved into laughter, "I do not sound like that!" he gasped. Toph waved a hand uncaringly.

"Sure you do."

"That sounded like Momo!" he said, laughing. Although she was clearly trying to maintain her blank, superior facade, she cracked a smile.

"Did not."

"Yes it did! It was like if Momo could talk and make fun of me."

"Oh man, can you _imagine _what he would say?"

They both burst out laughing at the thought. "Look at me, I'm Toph," Aang squeaked, in the nearest approximation to Momo's screech, "I like to earthbend rocks at helpless flying lemurs."

"I'm the Avatar and I'm nowhere near as awesome as my earthbending teacher," she countered in the same high voice. Aang laughed.

"You're all so immature! Eating porridge while your friends argue," he squeaked, wincing as his voice cracked halfway through the word friends. Toph, however, found it hilarious.

"Did your voice just crack?" she asked, poking him in the head. He turned red and glanced away, causing her to laugh even harder. "Are you going through puberty, Aang?" she said teasingly, leaning forward.

"No," he replied obstinately, sticking his tongue out at her again. "I have already been through puberty, _thanks_."

"Aw, it's nothing to be ashamed of," she crowed, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "In fact, it's perfectly normal. Think of all the possibilities this opens up to you! My little Twinkletoes," she faked a large sniff and pretended to cry, "all grown up."

"Meanie," he muttered, trying not to grin. "After I got you porridge and everything."

Toph just laughed.


	10. series of idiotic mistakes

**kyoshi hold 'em**  
part ten: string of idiotic mistakes; never dredge up aain

"Okay," she muttered, "just... knock on the door. No problems there." Katara stood very still in front of Zuko's door, thoroughly unable to do anything. Behind her, Toph pushed her forward.

"For the love of... Katara this isn't the scariest thing you've ever done. You faced Azula, didn't you?"

"Well..."

"_Yes_, you did. And you taught the Avatar how to bend water. You faced down Zuko when he was chasing you. You took on the Fire Nation when it was being ruled by Phoenix King Crazypants. _You can do this._"

She wrung her hands together. "Yeah, but this is..."

"Shut up and knock on the door before I hit you."

Katara sighed, and knocked, but there was no reply. Toph snorted.

"Figures. You finally work up the courage to knock and he isn't even freaking there. Now we have to do this all over again!"

"Well, look at that!" Katara said, turning to flee, her voice several octaves too high. "I guess it's just not my destiny to - eep!"

"What are the two of you doing?" Zuko asked, having just walked up. His hair was a mess and there were several scratch-marks on his cheek, and he appeared to be exhausted. He also smelled distinctly like flying lemur.

"Helping Aang save Momo from Sokka's rage?" Toph guessed, while Katara turned red and tried to slip away. Zuko sighed.

"Yeah. Jet's off hiding somewhere, and apparently Sokka's screaming sounds like the natural predators of flying lemurs or _something_ because Momo went insane." Something seemed to pass between Toph and Zuko that Katara didn't quite understand, but Zuko stepped forward and ruffled Toph's hair oddly lovingly. "Sorry, Champ," he murmured, but Toph batted his hand away.

"S'all right. I wasn't _that_ serious anyway," she insisted, laughing a little, but it didn't hide her insincerity. Whatever was bothering Toph _was_ serious, and Katara determined to fix it.

Also, it would serve the delightful secondary purpose of getting Toph off her back about the whole tell-Zuko-you-kissed-him thing.

"What's wrong, Toph?" she asked, but the other girl turned on her.

"Nothing. Didn't you need to talk to Sparky about something?" Katara glared, but Zuko turned to her.

"Oh? What about?"

"Something _huge_," Toph said vindictively. "Super important." Abruptly, she wrenched open the door and shoved Katara in, followed quickly by Zuko, who at least had the presence of mind to look deeply confused.

"All right..." Zuko said, blinking. "What was that all about?"

"Um," she replied dumbly. Zuko stared at her, waiting for this hugely important thing that she needed to talk to him about. "Um."

"Feeling especially articulate today, aren't we?"

She was beginning to wish that she had gone to Suki for help rather than Toph. What had she been thinking? Granted, there was the fact that Suki was busy with Sokka and Mai wasn't currently speaking to her and Ty Lee was wherever Mai had run off to, so she was left with a remarkably small pool of female companions, but still. Gran-Gran would have had better advice, even if that meant explaining to her _grandmother_ that she had gotten drunk and made out with the Fire Lord. She took a deep breath, and then told him.

Except it all came out in a very quiet and very incomprehensible rush. Zuko stared blankly.

"I have no idea what you just said."

"I said," she started, but choked up. Why was this so hard? It was _Zuko_, it wasn't like he was going to start making fun of her. On the other hand, it was _Zuko_. At least he was wearing a shirt this time. If not...

"_Agni_, Katara," he cried, finally losing patience, "just spit it out!"

"I kissed you, all right!" she screamed, and he just looked more confused.

"When was _this?"_

"Last night, when you were drunk! I - I don't know what came over me!" Mai's advice loomed in her mind - _own it_ - and she dove forward. "But you were - you were _shirtless_ and - and you said I was really pretty - and I just did and then you _passed out_ and didn't remember, and you were getting _mad _at me for, I don't know, sleeping with someone and not telling you about it because we're best friends and you didn't listen to me when I told you that I didn't sleep with anyone but I couldn't just tell - "

He cut off her desperate explanation with a sudden, fierce kiss.

"Katara," he said, pulling away and placing a hand on either cheek. She froze - she'd had more than a few dreams that went this way. "I just got attacked by a flying lemur. I found out that my ex-girlfriend slept with a cocky freedom fighter whose sole purpose of being here was to piss me off. I am still hungover. Aang and I just spent the last two hours trying to convince your brother not to kill Jet. And to top it all off, the blizzard is finally clearing up and Uncle wants to get back to Peace Summit work tonight. I don't _care_ why you kissed me while I was drunk, okay? Just... next time, I want to be sober."

So... her dreams hadn't quite ended up that way. Unable to react with anything other than stupid relief, she burst out laughing.

* * *

Aang and Zuko's intervention had done little to soothe Sokka's fury, which had (unfortunately) transferred somewhat to Mai, who was now taking refuge in the least suspected place she could come up with - Suki's wardrobe.

It was the second time this morning she had crawled desperately into a wardrobe to escape angry, prying eyes, and she was really, really not okay with that. Jet, Sokka, and either Suki or Katara (whoever had let her secret slip) were going to _die_ the moment she got her hands on her knives again.

"Ow, son of a - " a voice directly to her right said, as she folded herself into the wardrobe.

"No," she breathed. "_Please_, no."

"Tell me that's not who I think it is," Jet said, voice slightly muffled as though from his face being buried in his hands.

"Oh, _fuck_," Mai whispered, and almost burst out of the wardrobe, but sounds in the room beyond stayed her hand. Sounds like Suki and Sokka returning to her room, Suki finally having convinced her boyfriend not to kill Mai and Jet.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Shut up," she hissed, hitting him on the arm. He retaliated by lashing out blindly, landing directly across her right breast. She took a deep breath to control her temper and snatched his arm just as he was pulling it away. "You are going to get us found out if you don't shut up _now_. Understand?" He growled, but otherwise stayed silent, and tried to wrench his arm out of her grip, but failed. She figured that, if he started to annoy her, she could just dig her fingernails into a pressure point and that would get the message across far better than a scolding.

A few horrible moments later, it occurred to Mai just how Suki had managed to get Sokka's attention away from killing Jet.

"Oh, no..." he whispered, horrified. Mai bit back a frustrated growl. Really, this would be her luck.

"Shh," she hissed. If there was anything that would make Sokka want to kill them _more _than he already did, it would be finding them hiding here now.

"I _know_," he replied testily.

"Apparently not."

They fell into a tense, angry silence, broken only by the incredibly uncomfortable sounds coming from the bedroom. "You know," Jet whispered, apparently hoping to drown out the noise, "you shouldn't be such a bitch."

"And you should shut up."

"I'm serious," he replied, refusing to back down. "You're not a bad person - and you're hilarious when you're drunk and convinced that Longshot is a polar leopard - " she winced; that was a memory she was quite glad to forget, " - but you make it really hard to like you."

Mai snorted. "I don't care whether or not people like me."

"Liar," he whispered, "I think you care a lot. That's why you go ahead and disappoint people before they can judge you."

"Who made you the authority on my mind?"

Jet shrugged, surreptitiously trying again to remove his arm from her vice-like grip (and again failing). "I've lived on my own since I was a kid, and I pulled together the Freedom Fighters. To a lot of them, I was the closest thing to a parent they knew. You pick up things."

"And this has led you to believe that I'm really just an insecure girl who acts like a bitch to protect her heart?"

"Yeah, actually," he replied, refusing to be shamed into changing his mind.

"It never occurred to you that, maybe, I'm just a bitch?"

Jet peered through the darkness, trying to get a look at her face, but her hair - left down since mid-way through the game last night - had fallen forward and hid her from him. "I don't think so. If you were, why would Ty Lee be your best friend? And why would Zuko have dated you? No, there's something more to you, I know it."

"Maybe Ty Lee and Zuko just _like _bitchy friends."

Jet snorted, and then hastily covered his mouth, praying that Sokka and Suki hadn't heard. Evidently, they hadn't. "Zuko, maybe," he conceded, trying not to burst out laughing. "But Ty Lee?"

She made an annoyed sound at the back of her throat. He was, in some ways, correct about her - and the thought that _Jet_, of all people, had figured her out was a truly horrifying one. Even worse than that terrible moment when she woke up this morning and realized who she was in bed with.

"Fine, you've got me," she snapped. "I'm a fragile little girl who's so afraid of criticism that I pretend to be heartless."

"See, that's what I'm talking about," he said. "Stop being such a bitch and admit that maybe I'm right about you."

"You're not right about me."

"I'm on the right track, _at least_. The fact that you're so mad about it just proves me right."

She opened her mouth to respond, but realized that he actually had her there. _Stupid_. She was already planning to write this whole trip off as _Series of Idiotic Mistakes; Never Dredge Up Again_, and considering what it would take to swear Ty Lee to secrecy about the entire thing. Maybe she could run off to Ba Sing Se and become a bounty hunter. Supposedly, there was a cool bounty hunter operating somewhere out in the Earth Kingdom who used a Shirshiu. That could be interesting. She'd never ridden a Shirshiu before, although Zuko didn't speak too highly of it.

Bounty hunting would be fun, and it had the added bonus of really annoying her parents. She made a mental note to look into it.

After escaping this awful situation and ever having to speak with Jet again.

"I'm right," he confirmed, after a moment of silence. "You're not as mysterious as you think."

"I can kill you."

"You won't."

She released his arm. In spite of everything, he was right again - he was annoying as hell, represented everything she stood against, found her embarrassment terribly funny, and commanded legions of incredibly obnoxious children - but she didn't hate him. She didn't particularly _like _him, no, but he had an odd sort of charm.

"How much longer d'you think they'll be at it?" he asked, rubbing his arm and testing for obvious bleeding. "I mean, they can't be too much longer, can they? Unless Sokka's better than I expected..."

"Please don't say anything like that ever again," she replied, making a face.

He started mimicking the sounds Suki was making, in an exaggerated falsetto, and even though she shuddered, she hid a small smirk. It was a terrible impression, but it was better than listening to the real thing.

"Stop that," she whispered. "They'll hear you."

"I doubt they're listening," he responded, rolling his eyes. "We could probably walk right out of here and they wouldn't notice."

"Don't you _dare_."

Jet smirked wickedly.

* * *

"Help me find Mai," Ty Lee said, "and I'll give you chocolate."

Smellerbee raised an eyebrow, but the Duke looked interested. "How much chocolate?" he asked, pretending to be a discerning customer.

"Lots of chocolate. I have a whole bunch of it that I've been saving for a special occasion." She shrugged. "As far as I'm concerned, this is a special occasion."

The two children looked at each other. Beside Ty Lee, Longshot closed his eyes and prayed for escape. "Okay," Smellerbee said. "We're in."

* * *

"Hey, Twinkletoes," Toph said, leaning back in her chair and propping her feet up on the table. Aang, exhausted (and, she noted, also smelling strongly of a barn), sat down across from her.

"I'm starting to wish I'd listened to you."

Toph laughed. "Of course you are. I'm always right, you should know this by now."

"Not _always_," Aang said petulantly. "You weren't right about, um..."

"Whatever," she said, waving him off before he could come up with anything. "What brings you here?"

"Ty Lee has comandeered Jet's friends to help her find Mai. I think she has plans to recruit me as well, so I can't hide in my room."

"So you hide here?"

He made an odd sound. "It's safer than anywhere else." Partly because Toph was here, and Ty Lee didn't dare anger Toph. Which, as far as Aang was concerned, meant that he should attach himself to Toph's legs until the danger passed.

"So..." she started, a little awkwardly. "Jet and Mai, huh?"

Something in her voice made him look up, and dismay settled hard in his gut. "Yeah," he said, swallowing, "apparently. How weird is that?"

She laughed, but it came out fake, "No kidding. Who would want to sleep with Jet, anyhow?"

"Right," he said, disappointed. _Really, Toph?_ he thought, but didn't say it aloud. It might come out too honest, and the last thing he wanted was for her to feel guilty because he couldn't keep his feelings to himself. She deserved better than that.

"Anyway," she said brusquely, "we're much cooler than those losers."

"Yeah," he replied listlessly, "sitting around and eating porridge is much cooler than, um," he froze, realizing where that sentence was going. Toph also noticed, and burst out laughing.

"Go on, Twinkletoes! What's _much cooler_ than eating porridge?"

"Nothing," he cried, a little desperate. "Nothing at all! Porridge-eating is the most fun I could ever have!"

She cackled. "When you're eating porridge with _me_, that is, of course."

"Of course," he replied, rolling his eyes. Trust Toph to take an awkward situation and turn it around. It was part of why he liked her so much.

Ty Lee burst in the room then, followed by a very harrassed-looking Longshot. "Have either of you seen Mai? She _totally _owes me, like, seventy stories, but I can't find her!"

"Nope, haven't seen anyone," Toph replied easily, and Ty Lee growled in annoyance, and then caught on.

"Oh... Um, sorry, Toph. Have you, uh, _heard_ Mai?" she corrected, wincing. Aang swallowed a laugh.

"She hasn't been this way," he told her. "We'll let you know if she does."

"Right," she said, and then her eyes widened, and she backed out of the room hastily, a grin spreading across her face, grabbing Longshot by the shirt and pulling him with her as she went. "I'll just... leave you two here, then."

Aang blinked, and Toph tilted her head in confusion.

"That was weird," they both said.

* * *

"Okay - " Ty Lee began, but was cut off by a very loud, very angry scream from the direction of Suki's room, followed immediately by Jet and Mai fleeing the premises (Jet laughing hysterically), the Duke and Smellerbee hot on their heels. "Oh," she squeaked, and she and Longshot joined the exodus while Suki - clad only in a blanket, hastily wrapped around her body, and hair askew - shouted obscenities at them.

They reached the kitchen at full pelt, and Longshot slammed the door behind him and leaned against it with Jet, who was still cackling. Mai gasped for several breaths, and then turned to Ty Lee.

"So, you and I are going to be bounty hunters in the Earth Kingdom. Sound good to you?"

"We are?" she asked, trying to catch her breath.

"Yes," Mai confirmed, "and we are _never_ coming to another peace summit."

* * *

"I don't want to know," Katara muttered, and snuggled closer to Zuko.

* * *

"I was here the whole time," Aang said, eyes wide, watching the procession pass them by. Toph nodded.

"'Course you were, Twinkles. Just stick with me, it'll all work out."

* * *

Three hours later, the Peace Summit officially re-started. Gran-Gran looked around at the assembled group - Zuko and Katara were sitting awfully close together, Suki was being forcibly restrained from attacking Jet, who was hastily attempting to assemble his crew and escape the enraged Kyoshi Warrior, Aang and Toph were sitting together and studiously ignoring the chaos around them (although Aang kept shooting sympathetic glances at Jet), Mai and Ty Lee were nowhere to be found, Sokka was sitting next to his sister and was being held in his seat by a copious amount of ice - and everyone else seemed to be just as confused as she was.

"I think," she said to Pakku, "that we missed something."

Her husband glanced at the younger generation and shook his head. "No," he replied, "I think we're better off not knowing."


End file.
